On the hunt for a Liberal dose of love

IN this space yesterday, my colleague and one-time friend Imre Salusinszky declared his passion for Penny Wong.

IN this space yesterday, my colleague and one-time friend Imre Salusinszky declared his passion for Penny Wong.

"She's all the business in those business suits," he wrote "and she sure does the business for me."

Never mind that Imre is ancient, married and male, he seems to think Wong -- he calls her Bright Penny -- will be charmed by a poem he has penned for her.

In case you missed it, the tragic little Hungarian took Penny's monotone and rhymed it with bone. Moreover, he said:

"I long to hit her with love's dart

"But I cannot think of where to start."

Were it up to me, Imre, I'd end it right there, but, sadly, we cannot.

Here at The Australian we have a strict rule: we are not permitted to write about one side of politics without giving exactly the same consideration to the other. It is therefore incumbent on me, as the next columnist in this space, to embark on what can only be described as a dicey assignment: a love song, for one Greg Hunt:

I've lost my heart to Greg Hunt

You know him, he's the Liberals' runt

I mean that in the nicest way

He's the little one (no, not him; he's gay)

You know Greg Hunt, he rides a bike

But will he let me feel his Newspoll spike?

Here he comes now, cycling free

(Let's speak not of his brother, Mike.)

Here he comes now, cycling free

Did you know he had a dicky knee?

Greg Hunt, won't you take a punt?

Don't foil-insulate yourself from me

Greg Hunt, won't you take a punt?

Forgive me, yes, I know I'm blunt

With your little hands and your pretty voice

Don't resist -- it's a cupid stunt.

With your little hands and your pretty voice

It makes me think of words like hoist

It's true, your leader won't

approve

(But Tony never was pro-choice.)

It's true, your leader won't

approve

(Those Catholic rules, they just won't move)

But it's his hair shirt, and his cilice

(Greg, best we avoid the Louvre.)