NewsBite

Never mind the nuts and bollocks, where’s the old vex pistol when you need him?

Hang in there, Kevin.
Hang in there, Kevin.

Kevin Rudd in The Guardian Australia yesterday:

I’m struck, as the British parliament moves towards the endgame on Brexit, with the number of times Australia, Canada, New Zealand and India have been advanced by the Brexiteers in the public debate as magical alternatives to Britain’s current trade and investment relationship with the European Union. This is the nuttiest of the many nutty arguments that have emerged from the Land of Hope and Glory set now masquerading as the authentic standard-bearers of British patriotism. It’s utter bollocks.

Just “bollocks”? Rudd is mellowing with age. The ABC on February 19, 2012:

A video of Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd swearing in frustration has been leaked online, amid increasing speculation he is preparing for a tilt at his old job … A spokesman for Mr Rudd says the foreign minister has never made any secret of the fact he sometimes swears.

Samantha Maiden cutting to the chase in The Sunday Telegraph on February 19, 2012:

The video, which is not dated, clearly shows an exasperated Mr Rudd swearing as he repeatedly fluffs his lines. “Mate, this is just impossible. I get the very end. You can tell these dickheads in the embassy to just give me simple sentences. I’ve said this before,’’ Mr Rudd says. “Tell that bloody interpreter. This f..king language just complicates it so much, you know … The f..king Chinese interpreter. Just f..king hopeless.”

Rudd reflecting on Copenhagen in The PM Years (Pan Macmillan, 2018):

That is why I said in an off-the-record briefing that ultimately the Chinese delegation had ‘rat-f..ked’ the negotiations. I admit this was a colourful phrase. It reflected my own degree of personal frustration at what had just occurred … I did not use that term to describe the Chinese government or the Chinese people. I didn’t, for example, refer to the Chinese as ‘rat-f..kers’.”

Illustration: Mark Knight, Herald Sun.
Illustration: Mark Knight, Herald Sun.

At least he’s clear when he’s swearing. The Advertiser on July 9, 2009:

While addressing German press and Chancellor Angela Merkel, Mr Rudd said it was unlikely any progress would emerge from the Major Economies Forum “by way of detailed programmatic specificity”.

Your life is normal. The New York Post on Saturday:

Furious mum sues nanny for secretly feeding formula to baby … She’s seeking at least $US10,000 ($14,100) in damages.

Really, it is. The BBC yesterday:

Police in Slovenia have accused a woman of cutting off her hand with a circular saw — with the help of her family — to make a fraudulent insurance claim. … Police say the group deliberately cut the woman’s hand off above the wrist at their home in the capital Ljubljana. Relatives took her to hospital, saying she had injured herself while sawing branches. Officials say the group left the severed hand behind rather than bring it to hospital, to ensure the disability was permanent. But the authorities recovered it in time to sew it back on.

The Sydney Morning Herald yesterday trying to say it’s going to rain:

Weather forecasting models are showing differing amounts of rainfall across NSW making it hard to predict where the rain will fall, Weatherzone meteorologist Craig McIntosh said. It’s “umbrella weather”, he said … Those in Sydney can “assume you’ll get wet at some point”, Mr McIntosh said. “You should check the forecast twice a day if you are concerned.”

Add your comment to this story

To join the conversation, please Don't have an account? Register

Join the conversation, you are commenting as Logout

Original URL: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/opinion/cutandpaste/never-mind-the-nuts-and-bollocks-wheres-the-old-vex-pistol-when-you-need-him/news-story/df98f5aabc83bccd53f8145c35510524