Roxy’s chic chattels no longer spark joy

Roxy Jacenko.

Ordinary folk, they Kondo. Meaning they pick up their old junk, and they say: does this spark joy? No? Out it goes. But Sydney PR queen Roxy Jacenko, she ain’t ordinary folk.

She’s rich, and so when The Australian asked her yesterday about a big clean-out she’s apparently having — Louboutins, be gone — she didn’t say: “Oh, I’m just getting with the Kondo program.”

She — or, more accurately, her people, in a statement released on her behalf — said she was “auctioning pieces from previous homes which don’t suit the aesthetic” of her new mansion.

Unpacked, what Roxy means is: she doesn’t like all her expensive furniture anymore.

By the look of the (still only partial) auction list, Roxy doesn’t much like her clothes, her bags, or her shoes, either.

Everything’s for sale, and no, you won’t find them on Gumtree. She’s using Lawsons Auctioneers.

The complete inventory isn’t yet available for viewing, apparently because it’s taking the auction staff some time to open all the boxes to see what’s inside, and who doesn’t know what that’s like?

You stick all your stuff in a box, store it in your mum’s roof. Ten years later, she insists you come and pick up your shit already. You open the boxes and discover cast-iron candelabras, circa 1986, and maybe some old videos, a player for which you no longer own, or else the cord’s been Kondoed.

Which brings us neatly — see what I did there? — back to Kondo.

As Roxy’s about to discover, it doesn’t work on everything. Unpaid bills, your husband’s rap sheet … they can’t be made to just go away.

Celebrity gossip? We’re drowning in a sea of it, so let’s end this item, shall we? Sparking joy, right there.