Bill Leak would have nailed these politically correct episodes

Illustration: Tom Jellett

In a year marked by political ­lunacy, Bill Leak was sorely missed. As The Australian’s editorial cartoonist, Leak lampooned politicians, celebrities and fanatics of all stripes. He scandalised the political elite by exposing their ­vacuity and narcissism. He was hunted by jihadis and human rights activists for exercising freedom of thought. But his real crime was delighting in freedom. He made millions laugh at the ­expense of earnestly dull, self-­important social justice moralisers. Here are some of the most politically correct episodes of the past year that would have made fine fodder for Leak’s pen.

Military man ban

Like admission rules for a harem, women are welcome, ­eunuchs maybe, but men need not apply. The Daily Telegraph reported in early August the Australian Army put the kybosh on male ­recruits. Of 50 jobs advertised, 35 were restricted to women. The penalty for recruiters’ noncompliance was re-posting. The Chief of Army, Lieutenant General Angus Campbell, had earlier clarified his first priority in ­recruitment was women and indigenous Australians. A year later Australia was ranked 22 for military capability — less capable than Brazil or Vietnam. Sound the ­retreat.

We will dope you. You will be multicultural. Resistance is futile

Hold your noses, here comes the PC medical fraternity. Armed with the correct attitude and a xenophilic disposition, psychiatrists proposed a solution for pesky patriots lacking the requisite enthusiasm for Muslim ­migration into Europe. Rene Hurlemann et al found that combined with social pressure, dosing test subjects (ie, “native Germans”) with oxytocin nasal spray made them more altruistic to Muslim refugees. They didn’t test the ­hypothesis that fake refugees being deported or Islamists ending the jihad on Europe might ­incline Europeans to view Muslims more favourably.

Anti-racist racism

PC bigotry comes in many guises but anti-racism covers all sins. It enables bigots to indulge in abject racism without incurring social or financial penalty. Rather, there is a well-funded activist network across the West that ­empowers structural and inter­personal racism, so long as the victims look white. Bill Leak was mobbed until death by an activist class sustained by taxpayer-­funded roles at the Australian Human Rights Commission, in legal aid and academia. But Hollywood filmmaker Michael Moore exemplified PC racism when he said: “By 2050, white people are going to be the minority, and I’m not sad to say I can’t wait for that day to happen. I hope I live long enough to see it because it will be a better country.” Is white genocide the new black?

The alphabet’s revenge on alphabet people

Free speech kills! Democracy is deadly! Words wound — like, literally! As we learned during the same-sex marriage debate, the ­alphabet is a legion of terror. No sooner had “a” for asexual been added to LGBTQI than Labor leader Bill Shorten and Greens leader Richard Di Natale warned us about the dire threat of wayward words and politically incorrect thoughts on gay marriage. Shorten said “a No campaign would be an emotional torment for gay teenagers and if one child commits suicide over the plebiscite, then that is one too many”. Di Natale went for gold: “We will most likely see young people take their lives if this plebiscite goes ahead and the hate that will come with that is unleashed”. It didn’t happen. What did happen was queer activists attacking dissenters as the rainbow collective spread its love far and wide. The victims of gay marriage backers included Tony Abbott and even his sister Christine Forster.

Halal boss thinks he da man. Women ROFL

In broken English, Halal boss Mohamed Elmouelhy declared Australian men “a dying breed”. He cited research claiming Aussie blokes’ sperm count had declined 52 per cent during the past 40 years. Like Michael Moore, Elmouelhy seems to conflate white, male and bigot in a fantasy about white men dying out. If you’ve seen photos of Moore and Elmouelhy, you might observe other things they have in common, like jowls. The bad news is Elmouelhy believes Australian women need Muslim men to “fertilise them”. The good news is Elmouelhy could be the solution to global warming — a one man global cooling machine.

Nativist nepotists nix ­negation, nuke “n”

After Chinese President Xi Jinping extended his presidential term into eternity, the peeps were a bit miffed. The illusion of a democracy is, after all, better than none at all. The Chinese state is used to dispatching the evidence of public despondency, but with the mobile execution vans out of commission, censors went into dark mode. The US-based China Digital Times reported microblogging site Weibo had banned the word “disagree” along with the ­letter “n” and a host of other linguistic artefacts from the pre-Newspeak era.

But they didn’t think through the ramifications of banning “n”. After revising history to remove the offending letter, the CCP’s glorious fuhrers become Mao Zedog and Xi Jipig. Animal Farm, anyone?