The Sketch: ‘This is a place of war’: symmetry at unveiling of Bronwyn Bishop’s official portrait

Former speaker Bronwyn Bishop with her official portrait at Parliament House. Picture: Getty Images

Given she lifted the question time booting of MPs to the level of gleeful, brutal art, it was a sort of symmetry that Bronwyn Bishop spent the minutes before the unveiling of her official portrait showing guests to their seats.

Waiting nearby to carry out her MC duties, chief Government whip Nola Marino backed into the portrait of Queen Elizabeth II, tilting Her Majesty ever so minutely to the right.

Then it was show time. Health supplements tsar Marcus Blackmore lamented his good friend had “copped more than her fair share of criticism” along the way. But this wasn’t going to be a repeat of the Peter Slipper portrait unveiling, an event tinged with ruefulness. Blackmore compared the former speaker to Bob Hawke and Paul Keating before alighting on the saying: “The older the fiddler, the sweeter the music.”

Former speaker Bronwyn Bishop and commentator Paul Murray. Picture: AAP

Bishop’s Sky News colleague Paul Murray (who greeted late arrival Scott Morrison with a “G’day, mate” and a joke about The Guardian) explained Bishop had left the country a better place.

The star of the moment might have recalled her relish at ejecting miscreant MPs, but she was about entries as well as exits, hoping she’d made it easier for women to enter parliament. This hope was tempered by a reflection: “If things are a bit more difficult because you’re a woman don’t waste your time whinging about it.”

Former speaker Bronwyn Bishop and Prime Minister Scott Morrison. Picture: AAP

Those hoping for a helicopter gag were disappointed, though Bishop impishly took things in the other direction and recounted her first time beneath the waves, a mission she summarised for reporters at the time thus: “I was the first woman to go down in a submarine.” Bishop merrily celebrated this accidental double entendre, then got wistful about the G-forces in a barrel-rolling F-111.

Given how much time Bishop spends on Sky News denouncing socialism, it seemed only right that Jiawai Shen, the man charged with the task of committing her to canvas, was a former propaganda artist, member of the Shanghai Red Guard and survivor of the Cultural Revolution.

Bronwyn Bishop poses with her official portrait with Gery Hardgrave, left, and conservative commentator Paul Murray at Parliament House. Picture: Getty Images

The black shroud billowed gently to the ground and the two-dimensional Bishop was revealed. She stands before the Speaker’s chair in brooch and blue blazer, fingertips upon the console-like desk, eyebrows raised in an expression of gentle, knowing amusement, hair raised in battle readiness. She looks like one of Star Trek’s happier captains, a vibe no other portrait in the building has come close to achieving.

When it was done, the PM was mobbed by reporters curious to know why his party had crashed so spectacularly in Victoria. As Bishop noted minutes earlier, Parliament House is not a place of gentle debate.

“This,” she said with unguarded unhappiness, “is a place of war.”