The Sketch: Scott Morrison takes a big stick to Labor’s negative gearing policy

Scott Morrison takes his imaginary bat to the Opposition yesterday. Picture: AAP

Having previously wowed the House of Representatives with an actual lump of coal, Scott Morrison used question time to show he’s just as adept in the realm of pure imagination.

“They will not take a big stick to the electricity companies,” he said crossly of Labor. “But they will take a big stick to the values of your home. This is what they will do abolishing negative gearing and increasing the capital gains tax.”

A picture being worth a thousand words, the PM then underlined his words by wrapping his hands around an imaginary bit of timber and going to town; a big swinging stick, if you will. That said, the PM’s grip was more suggestive of baseball bats, such as the ones that starred in Wayne Goss’s unhappy election metaphor.

Moving on, Labor MP Mike Kelly rose with a Dorothy Dixer and, showing every sign of amusement short of stroking his moustache (an arrangement so ample it ought to be called the Hanging Garden of Eden Monaro), ­addressed Steve Ciobo.

“My question is to the Minister for Defence Industry. Is the minister aware that yesterday at Estimates his own department couldn’t say what his job was, and additionally the Minister for Foreign Affairs (Marise Payne) commented, ‘It’s fair to say, I’m enjoying this’. His own department had to take the question on notice.”

By this point, pretty much everyone had seen the video from Senate Estimates, the question about Ciobo’s role being met with Parliament House’s greatest stretch of silence since Seven news reporter Mark Riley quizzed Tony Abbott about “shit happens”.

Ciobo’s reply was not without practical information: “You’ve got your smartphone in front of you and you might want to go to www.minister.defence.gov.au because there’s a full list of respon­sibilities there.”

Labor’s Tony Burke helpfully suggested Ciobo table the document to which he was referring, on the grounds it had information his department didn’t. Speaker Tony Smith asked Ciobo if it was con­fidential. Ciobo answered in the ­affirmative and the Labor benches — already in a mood of deepening mirth — lost it completely.

Some of Ciobo’s frontbench colleagues made valiant attempts to stifle their amusement, but it was an uphill battle. It seemed there was only one person up to the challenge of getting things back on track.

“I can confirm our government will always be focused on the issues that matter to Australians,” the PM asserted, before trialling this hitherto untried combination of words: “And we will never get lost in the suited bubble of the Leader of the Opposition.”

Who can say what a suited ­bubble is? All that was certain was that when question time came to an end, no one looked sorry.