The Sketch: like Lamings they leap for the Dorothy Dixers

Malcolm Turnbull in question time yesterday. Picture: AAP

It fell to Coalition backbencher Andrew Laming to ask the first Dorothy Dixer of yesterday’s question time. All the crucial ingredients for this grimmest category of inquiries were present: a request for a senior colleague (in this case, Malcolm Turnbull) to “update the house on how the budget is building a stronger economy”; a desire to learn how the subsequent glory would be felt “including in my electorate”; and this: “Is the PM aware of any alternative approaches?”

Balancing his earthier skills (including a gravity-defying ability to drink beer while standing on his head), Laming stuck to the template with iron discipline. And many of his colleagues were ready to follow.

Labor, which had pounded the repeat button with something akin to mania the day before, was ready with a new question that, like the space shuttle, was designed for multiple launches. Bill Shorten reached for the ignition: “Can the PM confirm his government has made a secret deal with senator Pauline Hanson’s One Nation to ensure the passage of its big-business tax cuts?”

And lo, it was all go on the to and fro. The Coalition’s Michelle Landry: “… including for families in my electorate of Capricornia? Is the Treasurer aware of any alternative approaches?”

Labor’s Chris Bowen: “Will the PM now tell the Australian people the details of his secret deal with senator Pauline Hanson …”

Coalition MP Chris Crewther: “… including in my electorate of Dunkley. Is the Treasurer aware of any alternative approaches?”

Labor frontbencher Clare O’Neil: “… secret deal with senator Pauline Hanson?”

Coalition MP George Christensen: “… including in northern Australia. Is the Deputy PM aware of any alternative approaches?”

By this point, the sheer repetition was evidently enough to try the patience of Christopher Pyne, who let his inner monologue off the leash until he was warned by Speaker Tony Smith.

At least Scott Morrison tried to mix it up with a mystery: “The Leader of the Opposition is looking to swipe the tax refunds of hardworking Australians. He’s got his hands in their pockets and he’ll never take them out.” So how on earth will he extract the money? But, alas, it was not a day for contemplation.

The Coalition’s Ted O’Brien: “… and does the minister know of any alternatives?”

Labor’s Anne Aly: “… secret deal with Pauline Hanson”.

It was like a rally from the Wimbledon of Hades. Liberal Nicolle Flint smashed it over the net: “ ... Is the minister aware of any alternative approaches?”

Shorten shot back with “secret deal”. Touche!

Arise Lib Tony Pasin: “… Minister, are you aware of any risks associated with alternative approaches?” Everyone was only too aware; alternative approaches never got a look in.