The Sketch: All mouth and trousers, and bad puns and delicate petals

Malcolm Turnbull in question time yesterday. Picture: AAP

In the precious minutes before Labor hit repeat, Malcolm Turnbull gave question time something fresh: “If John Setka doesn’t trust the Leader of the Opposition, why would any Australian voter, any Australian worker trust the Leader of the Opposition?”

Sure it was for the purpose of bludgeoning Bill Shorten, but — as Coalition mentions of the Construction, Forestry, Maritime, Mining and Energy Union go — it was discombobulatingly close to positive. The natural order was restored only when Peter Dutton arrived at the dispatch box.

Scott Morrison meanwhile had his protective eye on older Australians, specifically their vulnerable middles. “The Leader of the Opposition wants to put his grubby hand into their pocket and rip out their tax refunds,” he said, which was mildly horrifying but a mere warm-up for this sentence: “He’s got his hand so deep in their trousers, Mr Speaker, they are wincing at the prospect of a Labor government.”

So it was a relief when he confined himself to sledging Shorten with his latest pun. Generously, he provided an explanatory set-up before delivering the payload: “He is unbelievable, Mr Speaker. He is completely unbelieva-Bill.”

Some people might appreciate the patience and persistence with which the Treasurer labours to make it stick, but Speaker Tony Smith was not one of them.

Labor was in a different groove, and Gai Brodtmann was the first to show which one as she began her question: “Why won’t this arrogant and out-of-touch Prime Minister …”

This was received with a variety of responses from a moaned “Oh shut up” to Christopher Pyne’s lament about Labor’s “insults and epithets”.

“Delicate petal,” mused Labor’s Rob Mitchell, loudly.

Labor was not to be deterred, soon wheeling out Amanda Rishworth: “Why won’t this arrogant and out-of-touch PM …”

“I thank the honourable member for her question,” Turnbull replied cheerily before returning to the tireless quest to paint his opponents as being at least two rungs below the plague.

But it was no use. Arise Anne Aly: “Why is this arrogant and out-of-touch PM …”

And it kept coming like a slow, drip of water on to a prisoner’s forehead. Tanya Plibersek: “Is this why this arrogant and out of-touch PM …”

The bits of question time in between began to dissolve into an anxious blur of anticipation. When would it drip again? Sharon Bird obliged: “Will this arrogant and out-of-touch PM …”

Against expectation it was Shorten — looking fresh and minus a facial mole since last question time — who came to the rescue: “Why is the PM pursuing an arrogant and out of-touch policy …”

Policy? Arrogant and out-of-touch policy? It was only a slight variation, but it was enough to break the spell.