When it comes to gay marriage, say no to a conscience vote

IF I were presumptuous enough to give any advice from the suburban homefront to the leader of the opposition, I would say: "Tony, Just Say No to a conscience vote on gay marriage". The Labor Party might not have enough numbers to pass a bill, but a conscience vote for the opposition could deliver enough numbers to get it through.

So all Abbott would be doing would be bowing to Labor and Greens pressure - well actually, Greens pressure. He has been trying to avoid the Captain Catholic tag but he should forget that. The good ordering of society is what any conservative political leader is supposed to uphold. And h shouldn't think too much because his naturally charitable and intellectually complex nature will get him into a mess. Forfeiting a frontbench position is surely, even for Malcolm Turnbull, a small price to pay for exercising one's conscience.

No is not always a negative. Granting a conscience vote on gay marriage won't send up Abbott's standing up with Mr and Mrs Average. It is true they think he is reactive and doesn't have any positive policies, and are ambivalent about his mercurial personality. But this issue gives the opposition a chance to turn the situation on its head.

Ironically, the fight over gay marriage could give Abbott and his wimpy Liberal colleagues the chance to shine as the champions of the regular mum, dad and kids family. So instead of caving in to the deconstructionists the Liberals should use this turmoil as an opportunity to introduce policies to bolster marriage and the responsibilities for child rearing that go with it. The Coalition now has the perfect opportunity to set itself up as the champion of families, the champion of real life as opposed to the looking-glass version.

Abbott became leader of the opposition because of a definite and defiant stand against a carbon emission scheme. This is more important. By not bowing to pressure for a conscience vote on homosexual marriage, Abbott would be placing himself as a bulwark against the radical social deconstructionists. The Coalition would be seen to be standing for something positive.

There is no overwhelming consensus in the community about this fundamental shift in social values and people know it has nothing to do with equality. Among the average married hoi polloi, who already feel like second-class citizens, homosexual marriage is rightly seen as a further downgrading of marriage, a parody of the real thing, because the fight is not just about tradition, it is about the sex. It is an Orwellian attempt to enforce a new moral paradigm about sexual relations by legislative fiat; to give moral legitimacy by conferring political legitimacy.

The enforcers were out on the weekend noisily insulting those who opposed their sexual agenda as bigots: good people, such as Joe de Bruyn, who understand the interests of "working families" which Labor championed before the Green putsch. That didn't matter to these zealots.

As Abbott suggested in his book Battle Lines, marriage is debased and it could be rethought. Even prominent gay journalist Andrew Sullivan said gay marriage could succeed only because normal heterosexual marriage was debased. The Gramscian Long March through marriage and the family has been quite deliberate. Beginning with the liberalisation of divorce, it continued with reform that gave the non-married, straight or gay, the same rights as the married, and has now deconstructed not just marriage but parenthood to the point where the law allows blatant lies on children's birth certificates about their parentage.

We need policies that help married families and the government needs to give the family more status, rather than equating them with any old grouping. Why? For one thing we know children are better off with a married mum and dad. Last week the Institute of Family Studies came out with figures on this.

It's always the same. Stable families produce stable children. Interestingly, the divorce rate in Australia has levelled off. Although a third of children are born out of wedlock, most of those parents marry, and 73 per cent of Australian children live with their mother and father. The average Australian marriage lasts 21 years, so perhaps only those

Those of us who toil daily at the kitchen sink were buoyed by Abbott's narrow election as leader of the opposition. But our hopes someone would put some commonsense policies forward for the average married couple with kids were rather dented when Abbott's only family policy was an overly generous and expensive maternity leave scheme. That would benefit one set of already well-off families, while doing nothing at all for the deteriorating financial situation of the ones who are least well-off.

In Battle Lines, Abbott considered quite a lot of economic measures and few social measures to support the family but has not taken any of them further, except the maternity leave scheme. It seems he is a captive of the discourse of gender-equity theorists whose vision of support for the family revolves narrowly around women and work. Indeed the whole family support and social security structure has been feminised. With the effective disappearance of fathers from the economic and social equation, it is no wonder the agenda is a lesbian-dominated push for gay marriage.

The gay marriage fight gives Abbott the chance to shine as the champion of the mum, dad, kids family. So do it, Tony. Forget the monarchy: we don't need fairytale weddings. We need ordinary families. Look to the good ordering of society, and champion its core institution, the natural family, if you want to succeed.