Happy birthday, dear John

IF ever there was a week in which the Coalition desperately did not want to talk about ageing, surely this is it.

IF ever there was a week in which the Coalition desperately did not want to talk about ageing, surely this is it.

Yet it's unavoidable: John Howard will turn 68 on Thursday.

This makes him our second-oldest prime minister, after Robert Menzies who was 71 when he retired, and just ahead of John McEwen, who was 67.

Happily for Howard, he is reaching this milestone just as he's mastered the internet, so he'll be able to do a Google search on what to expect from the ageing process.

It won't be pretty. According to one search, he should be feeling the wear and tear on his hips and knees about now. The late 60s is the peak age for arthritis and diabetes. And for many people, constipation becomes a problem.

The memory starts to fade (senior moment, anyone?) and teeth appear longer, as the gums recede. Ears continue to grow, so the lobes can start to look floppy.

In short, it's not a good look, although Howard is apparently still in good nick, and keeps his weight in check with a regular morning walk.

Still, his office would not comment yesterday even on whether a birthday party was planned. "He'll turn 68, and I'm sure the media will help him celebrate," said a spokesman, deadpan.

Would there be any details available as to how and where he might celebrate, and with whom? "I'm sure he'll be asked about that during the week," the spokesman said.

You can understand the tension: leaked Labor Party polling, splashed all over News Limited newspapers yesterday, shows Howard's battlers think he's grown old and has stayed beyond his use-by date.

That's understandable -- so many other prime ministers were gone long before they reached 68.

Gough Whitlam was 59 when booted from office, Paul Keating was just 52.

Bob Hawke was 62 when he left parliament, and promptly put the swing into his 60s by marrying his biographer, Blanche d'Alpuget. You can hardly see the PM on one knee, asking for the hand of Peter van Onselen, or, for that matter, Pru Goward.

Billy McMahon was 64 when beaten by Whitlam in 1972, but he stayed around as a backbencher until 1982, by which time he was the longest-serving member of the House.

By that measure, Howard is not old; he just looks it next to Kevin Rudd who is still -- just, but still -- in his 40s (the Opposition Leader turns 50 in September).

But Howard can take some comfort from Ronald Reagan who was 73 when he ran for the White House for the second time, and quipped: "I will not make age an issue in this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience."

And anyway, whatever the polls say, there is some hipness about Howard, and we don't mean of the arthritic kind. His favourite musician is Bob Dylan, who is 66 and, let's face it, puts the sex into sexagenarian.

As it happens, Dylan, who is about to tour Australia, has a bit to say about the ageing process on his most recent album, Modern Times.

"You think I'm old, you think I'm past my prime," he purrs. "Show me what you've got. We could have a whoppin' good time."

A whoppin', or perhaps a whippin'. The voters will decide.