Fire publican quits to do his own grieving

IN the days after Black Saturday, Flowerdale publican Steve Phelan walked out of his hotel and was met with a sea of desperate faces.

IN the days after Black Saturday, when Flowerdale publican Steve Phelan was still grappling with having lost his home, and almost losing his life, he walked out of his hotel and was met with a sea of desperate faces.

Almost 200 locals made homeless by the February 7 firestorm had come for the publican's guidance and support.

"There they all were, standing there, waiting for me to say something," Mr Phelan recollects, his voice unsteady.

"As soon as I came out, I couldn't do it and walked straight back into the pub. But then someone said said to me, `You just have to do it, mate' and so I had to go back out there."

Mr Phelan and his pub became the refuge for the small rural community, which lost 13 lives and two out of three houses.

Twelve months of soaking up everyone else's grief, as well as trying to deal with his own, have taken their toll. Mr Phelan and his wife plan to sell the Flowerdale Hotel after next weekend's anniversary of the disaster.

"We have burnt out," he said. "I shouldn't use that pun, but that is the truth. This was the central place where people came for refuge. We have felt like we have done five years in the last 12 months. I have been trying to deal with my family and what we are going through, run a seven-day business, deal with staffing and their emotions, deal with the psychology of people coming in here.

"It's pretty hard."

Mr Phelan was among a group of locals who battled to save the Flowerdale Hotel on Black Saturday after emergency workers had beat a hasty retreat. Dozens of residents sought refuge in the pub and fought the firestorm using mops and buckets. One of them, 83-year-old Bob Harrop, died inside its walls, being comforted by neighbours.

The community was dubbed the "forgotten town" of the disaster as locals told of their abandonment by authorities during their time of need.

The town, tucked behind Kinglake, has since been at the forefront of reconstruction, with programs and initiatives developed by Flowerdale Recovery Committee used in other bushfire-affected areas. The community has also been visited by Kevin Rudd, Prince William, Shane Warne and Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin.

Mr Phelan said these visits no doubt lifted community spirits but the locals relied on him and the Flowerdale Hotel for support.

"You just cannot get away from it," he said. "We get it with our job, we always have people asking about it. And (the grief) is like an electrical impulse. You can be talking one minute and you find, bang, it hits you and it all comes back."

The father of two said his family had been living in the back of the pub after losing their home in Black Saturday and were trying to make decisions on their future.

"It's time to look after ourselves," Mr Phelan said. "We could have shut the doors the next day (after the fires) but there was never any question of staying open. We had to keep going . . . but now we feel like closing shop and letting people miss us."