No smoke, just ire

AS Big Tobacco escalates its campaign over plain packaging, we wonder whether they're being overly subtle and ought to instead be taking a leaf out of a master's book.

AS Big Tobacco escalates its campaign over plain packaging, we wonder whether they're being overly subtle and ought to instead be taking a leaf out of a master's book.

We're thinking specifically of Scott Leach, president of the Australian Hotels Association (NSW), who has used his From The President column in Hotel News to unload on the Australian nanny state in spectacular style. "Two hundred years ago we were a nation of convicts, priding ourselves on a lack of respect for authority. Our self-reliance was the envy of the world," he fumes in a refreshing interpretation of the colony's fraught early days. "Our convict and Anzac forebears would surely turn in their graves if they knew we were now being told when and how long we can spend under the shower and the myriad ways we are forced to separate our rubbish. In the US citizens can tote guns, choose to not wear seatbelts and they allow kids as young as 16 to drive huge petrol guzzlers. Here, we can't water the lawn without the government telling us when, how and with what." And, for good measure, he quotes Friedrich Nietzsche. Next to this, the gasper gang looks like a pack of amateurs.

Fidler on the poofle

THERE'S no stopping Craig Emerson, who managed to ambush Richard Fidler with one of his pet topics after the unsuspecting broadcaster wandered into the studio where ABC612's Madonna King was refereeing Emmo's weekly chat with Senator George Brandis. "How's your poofle valve?" demanded Emmo. "I'm just going to examine your poofle valve. No, it's all right. Does that hurt?" Said Fidler, "I'm being assaulted by a federal politician here." A vision that may haunt our nights for some time.

Greg's glam slam

HAVING pipped ol' bedroom eyes Malcolm Turnbull for the opportunity, Greg Combet has appeared in a sultry photo shoot by The Australian Women's Weekly for a Men of the Moment feature. As the magazine cooed yesterday, "We were all impressed with Combet's Mad Men good looks. We loved that he loves his mum and approved of his passion for the environment, but were a bit stumped by his love of finches. "If he ever wants to attract a woman again, maybe we shouldn't highlight the quote about the finches," said managing editor Michelle Endacott. But surely finches are a chick magnet, aren't they? We put this question to Combet's office, as well as a query as to how he felt about the Mad Men tag. Combet's office replied with a polite but firm "no comment", so we'll chalk that up as a victory for Lindsay Tanner, give or take the photo shoot. Combet did also use the occasion to talk about climate change policy, so on balance we'll call it a victory for Tannerism.

Maintain the stage

IT'S taken a hefty dose of smelling salts and a good couple of slaps about the chops, but we're officially on the road to recovery after this week's shock news that noted not-left-leaning broadcaster Alan Jones had been cast as Franklin D. Roosevelt in a new production of Annie. "I don't think FDR would approve," Jones reflected candidly to Strewth yesterday. "Obviously no one's consulted him, though we'd have one thing in common: I'm sure he wouldn't be one of those global warming nincompoops." Quite. As president, can Jones now properly pull rank on the PM next time she's a little tardy on her way to Jones's studio? "I am really only a product of fiction but then many people believe that Julia [Gillard] is cast in the same mould. Actually, we are looking for a redhead to play the role of Annie. I'm just wondering whether among the 1000 applicants we might see her name loom. There are suggestions that she may be in need of employment shortly." Sounds like that little rift is healing. Slowly, but healing.

Towel down

IT is a gathering of the nation's economic and political elite, a who's who of government, business and public policy all wrestling with the big questions of these boom times. But high-powered delegates at The Australian-Melbourne Institute Growth Challenge conference starting in Melbourne today should also ensure they arrive with clean hands. Thanks to pesky students, who have been energetically flushing hand towels down the august loos of the Melbourne University's Business and Economics building, faculty admin yesterday declared the dispensers would not be refilled. Fear not. Treasurer Wayne Swan, Treasury boss Martin Parkinson, Productivity Commission chief Gary Banks, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott, climate guru Ross Garnaut and company will have the use of, ahem, electric hand-dryers. Any complaints can be taken directly to Melbourne University Vice-Chancellor Glyn Davis, who's part of the line-up.

Eire of his ways

HOW minority government works, courtesy of The Irish Echo's chat with Immigration Minister Chris Bowen, who said, "I think my Irish and Welsh background has perhaps given me a healthy appreciation of those who are not necessarily in the majority and who have to overcome obstacles to achieve their goals."