Sexual consent can be tricky concept

THERE was a time, not so long ago, when women were encouraged to enjoy their sexuality and celebrate their sexual freedom.

THERE was a time, not so long ago, when women were encouraged to enjoy their sexuality and celebrate their sexual freedom.

They weren't to be ashamed of their bodies and could have sex with one man or many, with no ties or regrets.

The feminist writer Erica Jong even came up with a term for this kind of encounter. She called it the zipless f..k.

In the wake of the Matthew Johns sex scandal, it is worth asking whether that kind of sex - anonymous sex, and especially anonymous group sex, with several men and only one woman - is ever really possible.

More likely, it seems that the risks for both men and women are too high.

The young woman from Christchurch who appeared in the Four Corners program says she consented to sex with two footballers. The men say she consented to sex with all of them.

The woman went to the police five days after the event. No charges were laid, in part because all the men agreed the woman was a willing participant. The woman says she is now full of self-loathing, that she feels suicidal. The men say they had no idea she'd feel that way, then or now.

All the commentators agree that the one vital ingredient here is consent. Men must make sure they have it. But, as is proven in this case, consent can be a tricky concept.

According to Four Corners, footballers who take part in group-sex sessions with young girls have no problem with the idea that they need to get consent. Ergo, while having group sex with a girl, they might film her on their mobile phones, so she "can't say she was raped".

Never mind if she's later getting slapped in the face with an erect penis while other players come through the bathroom windows to watch. She didn't object, so it must be fine.

Catharine Lumby, who helped design a program for the NRL that reminds players of the need to gain consent for any sex, including group sex, told The Weekend Australian yesterday she has "never, ever" told the NRL footballers it was OK to treat a woman the way the girl in Christchurch was treated.

"Nobody should walk away from a sexual encounter feeling blamed, or shamed, or hurt," Lumby said. "It was completely wrong, morally wrong, and unethical." Not illegal, mind. Just wrong.

Bettina Arndt, who is perhaps the nation's most experienced commentator on sexual matters, says women can consent to group sex. "Half a football team lining up to bonk one poor woman and wave their penises in her face is hardly what I would consider group sex," Arndt told The Weekend Australian this week.

"Just because a woman is silly enough to say yes to a couple of star footballers doesn't mean she is inviting the entire team to have a go at her."

Heather Brook, senior lecturer in women's students at Flinders University, says women are entitled to enjoy their sexuality in any way they choose, including group-sex sessions.

"The trouble comes when there is a cloud over the consent, where there is confusion over whether a woman has consented to what begins to happen."

Jane Caro, who with writer Catherine Fox is author of The F Word: How we Learned to Swear by Feminism, says it should have been clear to the footballers that the girl couldn't consent to that kind of sex.

Caro said feminists did not want to go "back to the old idea that women have to regulate their behaviour, because otherwise men can't help themselves.

"If you go far enough down that path, you end up with the Taliban," she said. "But I say to those footballers who stood there and laughed: how would they feel if it was them?"

The incident has cost Johns dearly. One of only two persons to be named among the six men to have had sex with the woman, Johns was stood down from The Footy Show and other Nine Network commitments, and from a coaching position at the Melbourne Storm club.

Yesterday, he also gave up what may well have been his most cherished job: that of coach of the Harbord United Devils, his son's Under-12 rugby league team.

Yet Johns has enormous support in the community. More than 73,000 people have this week joined the "Support Matthew Johns" site on Facebook.

These supporters blamed the women involved in sex romps for targeting and tempting footballers into risky situations. They said things such as: "She asked for it" and "She wanted it" and "Sounds like the (s) wanted it real bad, and fully loved it".