Mystery of Bill Shorten’s kitchen: who burnt the stove?

Labor’s leader posted this picture, ostensibly to show he’s just a normal dad. But what’s that in the background?

Bill Shorten in the kitchen making school lunches with a serious burn mark on the wall. Picture: Twitter

Who burnt the stove?

Oh, look, I’m just asking so you don’t have to.

Opposition leader Bill Shorten posted this picture this morning, ostensibly to show how he’s just a normal dad, making the school lunches, and all anyone is talking about is the bad burn on the wall behind him.

Back to school means back to making school lunches. pic.twitter.com/TtoxT62ins

— Bill Shorten (@billshortenmp) January 29, 2019

Which is of course exactly what was supposed to happen.

Ask anyone in marketing: there is nothing accidental about this shot. You are supposed to notice that burn mark, and you are supposed to comment on it, laugh about it, crack a joke in its direction.

Why?

Because it speaks of the madness of modern family life.

The Shortens, like you, have kids. They’re busy, and occasionally, they drop the ball.

No biggie!

Also, his isn’t the kind of family that sweats the small stuff. So a pot caught fire in their kitchen? Hey, that’s bad luck, and no doubt there was panic and maybe tears, but at the end of the day, no-one died.

How lucky is that?

Also, they’re not posh. They — Mrs Shorten, who is the daughter of the former governor-general, Dame Quentin Bryce; and her husband, who is the likely future PM — are not pretentious.

They’re just like you, and your family.

Maybe one day they’ll get around to fixing hat scorch mark up. In the meantime, it’s a fun family story: “Remember the time so-and-so nearly burnt the house down?!”

Make no mistake: this photo, which went up on Bill’s Twitter page this morning, is pretending to be just one of those good old “back to school” snaps on everyone’s Facebook feed this morning, but it’s styled within an inch of its life.

It’s the anti-Gillard-fruit-bowl.

And it’s perfect in every way, and not only because of the burn mark.

There’s also the white shirt. Who wears such a white shirt to make school lunches? You get the Vegemite on that, your day is ruined.

So the white shirt is deliberate, too.

It gets you talking about how nobody would wear a white shirt to make the school lunches.

Now look at the Vegemite, in particular the way it faces the camera. You may be aware that Vegemite is as of last year back in Australian hands?

It’s therefore super-safe product placement: it’s good for you, and it’s Aussie again.

Also notice how Mum, as in Chloe, is nowhere to be seen? That’s because Bill’s a modern dad. Yes, he has a full-time job, but he still helps around the house. He makes the lunches.

This is the party without the gender problem, remember? No “Mum in the kitchen, Dad at the office” here.

Besides being folksy, this picture contains elements designed to make it go viral.

The burn mark, for example, is ripe for jokes. They’ll be guffawing over it on every FM radio breakfast show by morning.

It’ll be on every TV panel show by week’s end.

Same with the dishwashing liquid. That is actually the most divine touch. Is there anything more normal than Morning Fresh or whatever that is, by the Chux on the kitchen sink?

Then you’ve got the healthy snacks! The snow peas, and Ryvitas. There’s no junk food. Also, no fancy appliances. No latte-maker, just some plain kitchen cupboards, a couple of chopping boards, and a modest stove, with a burn mark like the Batman call-sign.

Two questions, though: does Chloe cook in that kitchen?

Also, burning question: who really left the pot on the stove? It can’t have been the marketing people. We’re surely not at that House of Cards level of manipulation, where a team comes in to set fire to something to earn points ahead of an election. It must have been someone’s mistake, unlike that photo, everything about which is deliberate.

The Australian has sought comment from Mr Shorten's office.