Head says parents are the real pain

FOR one principal of 30 years' standing in high schools, students are not the biggest problem facing teachers -- it's parents.

FOR one principal of 30 years' standing in government high schools, students are not the biggest problem facing teachers and schools. In most cases it's parents.

The principal, of a suburban high school in Sydney's south, said he had rarely struck a bad or evil student, or one unable to be saved, but had come across plenty of children brought up badly.

"Kids aren't the problem, we can handle anything any kid can dish out. It's to do with the parents," he said.

Responding to The Australian's series on the problems in our nation's classrooms, the principal, who wished to remain anonymous, said his school enjoyed widespread support from parents but a small group proved difficult to work with.

"I had a parent leave the school with his kid the other week in high dudgeon; if you asked him why he took his kids out of the school, he'd say it's because I allow a culture of bullying," the principal said.

"The truth is his son is a little tough; a little guy with a big-man syndrome. He keeps doing the most ridiculous things to attract attention and get in with a particular crowd, he's aligning himself with drop-outs in the mall, bullying younger kids, doing semi-criminal activity because that's how he get his identity.

"His father has no capacity to deal with all that. He was incapable of living up to the agreement we had struck, which was his son should come to me or the deputy with any issue and we would deal with it straight away. But the son would call his dad and the first thing I know about it is the father is on the phone, shrieking abuse at everybody, in which case I refused to take his call."

The principal said schools and teachers were publicly accountable, and rightly so, and parents had the right to question decisions and complain.

"But for a small number of parents, not the majority, but a small number, the teacher is always open to questioning. The problem with this father was that I could never get him to stop mouthing off in front of his son. We had no way of getting respect from the son because his father was showing us no respect."

The principal said schools spent much of their time "working in welfare", making up for the deficits in society.

"For some kids when they come here, we are the first people who have said loudly no to them on some issue, and some kids don't deal with that. In some cases, parents see themselves as an older brother, sister or best friend."

He said every school was dealing with an epidemic in anxiety, depression and trauma , and some parents, while well-meaning, could exacerbate problems.

"Schools run on relationships. That's what it's all about in the end, about people knowing and understanding kids," he said. "It doesn't mean we give way to them. There are rules and consequences for breaking them, but kids have to know someone knows them as a person, understands them, and they can keep getting chances."