Curtain rises on The Fixer’s audition as a slapstick star

A COMEDIC romp from the makers of Stuck in the Senate Again and Honey, I failed to Shrink the Budget Deficit stars Christopher Pyne.

Curtain rises on Pyne, The Fixer

THE Fixer.

This new comedic romp from the makers of Stuck in the Senate Again and Honey, I failed to Shrink the Budget Deficit stars Australia’s own triple-treat Christopher Pyne.

The beltway star dances, sings and backflips his way through 11th-hour negotiations with Senate crossbenchers in a futile attempt to secure policy reforms to transform the higher education sector by deregulating domestic undergraduate university fees.

Christopher Pyne.

Think The Sound of Music meets House of Cards, but in this audience-tested ending it is the minister who is flung in front of a train in the subway.

It was actually the Education Minister who turned to slapstick of Hollywood proportions yesterday as a diversion from the government’s legislative woes.

Despite the defeat of his reforms in the Senate, Pyne had earlier dubbed himself “a fixer’’.

In question time, Bill Shorten probed deeper: “What exactly in higher education has the fixer fixed?’’

Tony Abbott had a response handy. “Every single member of this government in every single portfolio is fixing Labor’s mess.

“What we want to do is to end Labor’s fixation with central control by liberating our universities from the dead hand of Canberra.’’

Pyne also chimed in, proudly boasting: “I am fixing Labor’s failures — because I am a fixer.’’

One of the minister’s fixes was to call off his threat to cut $150 million in annual research cash that would have cost 1700 jobs.

Labor frontbencher Mark Butler pointed out that Pyne had turned to humour when asked where he would find the budget savings, telling Sky News he wanted to “make it a surprise’’.

“Given the Prime Minister promised a ‘no surprises’ government, can the fixer tell us exactly where the $150m is coming from?’’ Butler asked.

Pyne says he has indeed found the money. “Why? Because I am a fixer. So I fixed it.’’

It seems we’ll just have to wait for the budget in May to see in which line item the cash is hidden.

As Labor homed in on Pyne, the opposition raised the faux ire of Abbott during the answer to a national security question.

He said the Australian Federal Police had advised him that between July and September last year, metadata was used in 100 per cent of cybercrime investigations.

Labor’s Anthony Albanese spotted the obvious, and yelled out “Really?’’.

The opposition frontbenchers giggled and guffawed. For Labor, ridiculing Abbott has become an effective parliamentary weapon.

Abbott continued his answer, explaining that metadata had been used in nine out of 10 counter-terrorism and child abuse investigations as Labor interjected.

The Prime Minister complained “they are still laughing’’.

The opposition knew where he was heading, and Tony Burke protested. “When someone wants to make a claim that people are laughing about child abuse, there will be a reaction,’’ he bellowed before being ejected from the house.