Victim impact statements from Lyn Dawson’s family

Lyn Dawson’s daughter, brother and sister shared powerful statements in court on Thursday. Read the full transcripts here.

Greg Simms, the brother of murdered woman Lynette Dawson leaves, Federal Court in Sydney at the sentencing hearing for Christopher Dawson. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Jeremy Piper

The following are transcripts of the victim impact statements read in court on Thursday from members of Lyn Dawson’s family.

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Shanelle Dawson

The night you removed our Mother from our lives, was the night you destroyed my sense of safety and belonging in this world for many decades to come. Almost all of the love, nurturing and kindness vanished from my life.

Because of your selfish actions, we will never see her again, we will never hear her tell us she loves us, feel her hold us or hear her laugh.

There are not enough words in the English language to describe the impact of 41 years of deceit, trauma, being silenced and gas-lighted, the absence of a loving Mother/Grandmother, abusive/unloving replacements, emotional and psychological abuse.

The fact that the father I love and trusted is capable of such a heart wrenchingly selfish, brutal and misogynistic act- she’s no longer any use to you, a hindrance with no value, you can coldly dispose of her in such utter disrespect … this has affected my trust in men and subconsciously, every relationship I’ve had.

For many years I worked through abandonment issues, believing that our beautiful Mother left of her own accord and I had believed what you said, because she didn’t love us anymore. Most, if not everyday I feel the absence of her from our lives.

I have, what I believe are glimpses of memories from that nightmare night. Unfortunately as a result of the trauma experienced, my defence mechanisms have erased all happy memories of my Mother as well. All of these years, there were always parts of me looking for her, in communes, consulting psychics, registering with the Salvation Army. Haunted by regular thoughts of ‘Why did she leave, where is she, if/when she’ll return …?!’

Until the day I realised she wasn’t going to. The massive grief of that, on every level.

No Mother to cuddle me when I’m hurt or sad. No Mother to love, help or advise me. No Mother to be a role model for my own Mothering. No weekly home-cooked meals to return home to, no family gatherings, birthdays, Christmas to look forward to

You took that away and so much more and you had NO RIGHT to. YOU ARE NOT GOD.

There is NO replacement for a loving Mother, especially one who was ill-equipped and not wanting to take on such a role, who rejected us harshly and didn’t nurture and love us as we needed and deserved … the absence of these basic human needs, has affected my development, attachment, growth and stability. The rejection we suffered by multiple Mothers (seemingly), affected my self esteem for many years.

Shanelle Dawson, left. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Jeremy Piper

Once I came into the remembrance that it was you who removed her from our lives, my whole world shattered. I wasn’t able to complete basic tasks such as grocery shopping, feeding myself properly or socialising. I was working full time at the time but haven’t been able to since, nor have I been able to complete the two university degrees I have begun, despite getting excellent grades. Yes I made my choices in this, but I now understand the effect this trauma has had on so many aspects of my life.

I didn’t confront you right away and the burdens lay heavily on my shoulders. I knew I would be losing my family, my sister in particular and I didn’t think that was fair that I was suffering so much for what YOU’D done. I didn’t do anything wrong & yet I was losing so much. Every time I saw you, I was thrown into a trauma response and became extremely emotional and dysfunctional for days afterwards. I kept trying to figure out how I would approach the situation, trying to choose the gentlest way for myself and all involved. I didn’t want to be the one to bring a tidal wave to the family.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and these symptoms include anxiety and depression, as well as being in a fairly regular state of fight, flight or freeze, of hyper-vigilance and chronic stress. My nervous system is depleted and this affects my general well being, health, energy-levels, happiness, joy and ability to function often at basic tasks, work and relationships at every level. I also developed adult asthma as a result of chronic stress, caused by you. All of this has affected my Mothering and ability to be truly present and joyous for my child. She’s seen me cry a lot.

Our lives always on hold- at first always wondering. Secondly, mass media attention, arrest, court dates, appeals and delays … life on hold, hard to relate or focus on much else of any significance (other than my child obviously). Nine weeks of intense trial days, more life consumed by grief and anger … again life, Mothering, friendships on hold. Precious time wasted in conversations I don’t want to have. Tired of sadness. The stress of having to hear more and more lies. The grief of losing trust in people who I once believed and now see through their lies, because of your actions. Waiting, waiting for the verdict. Life on hold again, stress levels and grief heightened.

I went to great lengths to keep your act a secret from my daughter, waiting until she was older to tell her the horrible reality. Unfortunately her friend told her and I had to explain to my beautiful, innocent daughter why her Grandfather killed her Grandmother. She had many questions and anger, confusion, grief. She kept asking me, “But WHY did he do that?!” The same question that’s tortured me over and over now for many years.

Why didn’t you just divorce her, let those who love and needed her keep her?!!! Because of money, for God’s sake?!!! The way you made her invisible, didn’t keep her memory alive for her children, rarely spoke of her and when you did, it was with disdain or disrespect … We had no photos out, no mention of her birthday or what she was like, beautiful moments of her loving us, of her caring & giving heart, her beautiful free spirit … this has been a massive, gaping lacking hole in my world. Partly filled in by others, but not by you.

As a direct result of your actions, I’ve lost not only my adoring, kind, wonderful and beautiful Mother, but I’ve lost my father too. I’ve lost the sense of protection you were supposed to provide, I’ve lost at times, the belief that there are good men in the world. It has had a significant impact on my psychological and emotional wellbeing and trying to integrate how on earth the father I love and trusted is capable of such a horrific act of violence against a woman he once supposedly loved, the Mother of his children.

I’ve also lost my Sister, other siblings, cousins and my beautiful nieces. I’ve lost any remnants of belonging to that immediate family since I came into the remembering that it was you who murdered my Mother. My daughter doesn’t have her loving grandmother in her life to care for, support and guide her. She’s also lost Aunties, Uncles, cousins … and you, her grandfather.

I have happy memories of your parents … of our Friday family dinners, their attendance at netball games & sports carnivals, occasional babysitting, of cousin holidays with them. You’ve taken that away from your grandchildren.

I don’t have the loving presence of a Grandmother, her practical and emotional support and reprieve from the constant demands of single Mothering. This has taken a massive toll on my health and wellbeing. I’ve wasted countless and precious hours in counselling and therapy, when I’d rather be playing with my daughter and enjoying life.

As a result of YOUR actions, my wonderful Nanna Simms, whilst overjoyed to see us, always felt simultaneously deep sorrow when she saw us (or likely often) and I felt somehow responsible for that. I wanted to make it all ok that her beautiful daughter wasn’t with us anymore. We would pray, rub Buddah’s belly and cry together for her return. As a result of YOUR actions, my Mother’s parents chose not to leave her share of inheritance to us (for fear you’d get it, I’m assuming) … I’ve also lost your and my Mother’s share of your/her home.

Your lies messed me up. The crazy, warped haze inside my brain of trying to make sense of what’s right and wrong. Of wanting to believe what I’m told, whilst the truth screamed at me from the inner knowing of my body, my hidden memories. When I’m being lied to and manipulated by others, it’s a familiar and subconsciously sought feeling called trauma bonding. When that’s the foundation that’s been laid, it affects your whole life until it can be re-programmed and healed. I moved interstate, because the anxiety of potentially running into you on the Sunshine Coast was giving me panic attacks.

It hurts me deeply to think of you in jail, for the rest of your life. But I also choose not to carry your burdens anymore. I need my life back. My daughter needs me back and not overwhelmed by grief anymore. This is how I will honour My beautiful Mother. The torture of not knowing what happened, or what you did with her body, please tell us where she is.

I hope you will finally admit the truth to yourself and give us the last bit of closure we need, to make at least partial peace with this horrible tragedy.

Gregory Simms

You were accepted into our family unconditionally when you married Lyn. You were accepted as a new son for my parents and a brother to Phil, Pat and me. We considered you an equal in all respects. We trusted you. You repaid us by committing the ultimate betrayal.

Lyn had always been our organiser when it came to special family times such as birthdays, anniversaries and just having a get together BBQ. I can still recall the many happy occasions we spent down the bay and at Gordons Bay swimming and enjoying a summer’s day, occasionally with your brother and his wife in tow. We even joined your family watching you and your brother playing football during winter. That’s how highly we regarded you. Again, you betrayed our trust and belittled us.

The absence of Lyn in our lives has left a huge hole which can never be replaced. The heart ache, tears, anxiety and emptiness has been constant since you carried out your foul deed. Instead of being a proper human being and walking away, you have caused not only members of our family and close friends, but Lyn’s friends and old school friends heart ache and sorrow at their loss. My Aunties and Uncles on both sides of our family have supported us and cursed and despised you for what you did, it is a pity all but one has passed away. He is 99 and for the last 40 years has been affected by Lyn’s disappearance. This has required him to seek assistance for anxiety/depression and other medical problems. These are war related but your cowardly action has exacerbated this.

One of the most distressing aspects of your lies and deceit was to see the profound effect your actions had on my father, mother and brother. They were not spared to see Lyn’s name finally cleared through the Justice system, that she was not a missing person and had not abandoned her children. They all knew within their hearts that this was the truth.

Over the years, my brother Phil and I had many conversations about what happened to Lyn and where she could possibly be. It breaks my heart that Phil, who was a quiet observer and a private person, became so ill that he wasn’t able to participate in any parts of the legal process other than giving statements and assisting authorities.

Greg Simms. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Jeremy Piper

He preferred to work quietly in the background but was always supportive, while at the same time being protective of his own family. It devastated him that he was unable to participate in these proceedings. He was heavily affected by the impact of both the diggings and failure to find Lyn’s remains, but did not show this publicly. Each time something came up re a dig, his hopes were raised, only to be dashed again. He kept a photo of Lyn on his desk and she was never out of his thoughts. He attended both Coronial Inquiries and was bitterly disappointed by the decision that there was insufficient evidence to proceed on both occasions. He was most anxious to attend the trial and witness the truth being revealed. Due to the many delays, his health deteriorated and he was unable to hear that you had finally been convicted. This was his greatest wish.

You have been able to pull the wool over your family’s eyes, especially your youngest daughter. Your eldest, Shanelle, has been a tortured soul due to your narcissistic antics and we are thankful she was able to get away from you and see you for what you are. You have had no love for her. You just pushed her out of your life, without support and leaving her virtually a pauper.

The lies you have spread in respect to Lyn’s alleged disappearance has caused our family great distress. The way you kept our mother thinking she was still alive and going to ring her was lower than low. A low, desperate act of a person trying to cover their steps and disguise what you did. Declining her contact with her granddaughters is another thing you will never be forgiven for. She loved her “Sunshine Girls” and was heartbroken by your antics by not allowing her to see them. It was a brazen act of a conniving monster hell bent on one thing, getting what you wanted at any cost. I am glad my mother’s diaries have shown you for the lying despicable person you are.

The heart ache, distress and sorrow you have left in your wake is impossible to calculate. Your failure to attend both Coroner’s courts after being subpoenaed, is a true indication of your blatant disregard for Lyn, our family and the justice system. In a way, it shows your guilt by not being in attendance.

The continual fight to prove Lyn did not abandon her girls or her house has had a huge effect on me. I have gone from being a person who was confident in the things I did, to a person with little confidence at all. I get anxious and find it difficult to answer questions. I yawn and find it difficult to breathe. At times I withdraw into myself. Even now, I still get goose bumps and my hair stands on end at the slightest mention of this case. I tend to question anything I do, and think it is not good enough. I am lucky to have a wife and children who understand me, love me and give me their full support, unreservedly.

I was a reasonable sleeper, but the constant thoughts about the loss of my sister, the trauma of the two Coronial inquiries, seeing the worry, concern and heart break my parents went through, especially my mother, who was desperately trying to find her allegedly missing daughter, have taken their toll. I am now a very restless sleeper and constantly have many aspects of this case running through my mind and keeping me awake at night.

The only positive thing to come out of all this stress, heartache trauma caused by your actions and lies, was in locating The ABC Checkerboard program, which gave us the opportunity to hear our beautiful, loving, soft-spoken sister with her smile and happy demeanour. Her voice, we had not heard since 1982. It brought her to life for us and we were able to show her to our families. It was a gift to be able to see and hear her again.

Now when I look at the photo of Lyn in my study, which has been there for many years, I can once again, hear her voice.

It has been impossible to live anywhere near a normal life having this hanging over our heads, no more so than the last four years. Even though it’s been 40 years since we saw Lyn, we felt it was very important for members of our family to be present in Court for the entire trial, out of respect and love for her. To see you sitting there during the trial, showing no remorse or accountability, happy to blame anyone else and deny responsibility, confirmed in my mind that you are a coward, and can only see things from your own perspective and gain. You now have the time to reflect on what really happened and own the truth. We ask you to do the decent thing. Tell us where Lyn is, and allow us to bring her home to a peaceful rest, finally giving her the dignity she deserves.

Helena Jenkins

Background information

My sister Lynette and I grew up together, middle siblings with an older and a younger brother. There was a 2 and 1/2 year age difference between Lyn and myself. We shared a small bedroom all our growing years, attended the same Primary School walking the half an hour to school and back, and went to the same High School. When I worked at The Royal Alexandria Hospital for Children, Camperdown, Lyn came there to do her nurse’s training and we would have contact.

As children Lyn and I were in a group of five, friends who lived close by and are lifelong friends today. Weekends and school holidays were routinely spent in a large group at the beach, swimming and having fun. Lyn and I were strong swimmers, training swimming with he local coach, the enclosed beach at Clovelly only a short walk across from our home. We belonged to summer and winter swimming clubs, and every Saturday, winter and summer, we walked with friends and mothers along the seaside path from Clovelly to Coogee to compete in races. I returned from overseas in 1970 to be with Lyn at her wedding as a bridesmaid.

After my move to the country and our marriages we did not see as much of each other. I have photos over the years of Lyn and Chris taken outside our house with folk staying with us at the time. When we visited Sydney, Lyn came to Clovelly or we called in at Bayview in our campervan and stayed overnight, this also remembered by our eldest son.

Learning of Lyn’s disappearance

In the 70s and 80s there was no instant contact, no mobile phones or computers, unlike today. Contact where we lived was by letter or driving a 16km round trip on an unsealed road to access a public phone.

I learnt the news that Lyn was missing from a letter written to me by my mother. Mum had delayed writing for over a week in the hope she would be able to give me the good news that she had heard from Lyn or that Lyn was at home. That was not to be. I was in shock and traumatised to get the news of Lyn’s disappearance and it brings me to tears now to remember that time. I was confused, alarmed, distressed and in a deep dark void not knowing what had happened to my sister. There was no news. It was if this much loved person had just inexplicably dropped off the face of the earth. The police looked at her disappearance as a missing person, an adult who could walk away from her family home and young family whenever she wished. There were no answers.

I flew to Sydney with my three year old to be with Mum as Lyn had organised a surprise birthday party, Mum’s birthday was on the 1st of February. I wanted to be there in case there was a phone call from Lyn, she was always the first to ring on special occasions, more importantly to be with my mother if there was no phone call. We waited all day, a very sad and empty day.

I was in a total panic over Lyn’s welfare. Six weeks after her disappearance the weather turned wet and cold. I was upset, in tears, because she wouldn’t have had warm clothing or a raincoat. In the next thought I wished I could get a helicopter to fly over the backyard and take aerial photos. That was the turmoil and confusion that my mind was in. Because there was no body, beyond reason we held a modicum of hope. Losing Lyn was unbelievable and it was impossible to comprehend that I would never see this much loved person again.

My mother’s distress affected me greatly. My mother would come to stay with us and talk about what was happening, her heartache never resolved. Mum went to football matches to be with Lyn and the children. After Lyn’s disappearance she continued going to the matches to see her granddaughters. She was completely ignored by the Dawson family, no one spoke to her, whereas before she was welcomed as part of the group. It was always upsetting knowing my mother was enduring such unkind and insensitive treatment from these people, especially in this time of her grief and hurt. She was innocent of everything yet was being punished. To rub salt into the wound Chris was always there with JC seemingly with his family’s approval. When my mother could no longer endure the hostile atmosphere, even knowing she would miss her granddaughters, she stopped going. How dare my mother be treated this way!

I was also very affected by the cruel and callous way Dawson treated Mum to ensure ‘good behaviour’, so she wouldn’t ask questions of him or comment out of concern for her granddaughters. Chris ordered JC to refuse to allow my mother to see the girls if she came to the school. Mum had waited, having travelled the long distance by public transport from Clovelly to give Sherryn her birthday gift. JC dragged the girls away. It was a time of continual distress that our mother, suffering Lyn’s loss, had to contend with such nastiness.. She was so emotionally affected that she started taking a friend with her for moral support if she had to meet Chris, his hostile manner towards her was overwhelming. This treatment of my mother was a constant upset and hurt for me. It was heartbreaking to see the impact Lyn’s loss had on both our parents, our father quite stoic and a bit emotionally removed, but especially the impact on our mother.

I was upset over Lyn’s girls, how they would cope, their mother having been taken from them, as suspected. They were fed such untruths as Lyn wasn’t their real mother, only their pretend mother; she left because she didn’t love them. The girls were to grow up never knowing their mother and never knowing how much she loved them. Lyn was very proud of her girls.

Even though I had tried to keep the impact of Lyn’s loss to myself, I had four young children and at the end of a year of grieving for Lyn I had to make the conscious decision to not allow Lyn’s loss to be the overwhelming power in my life, touching on my children to their possible detriment. This decision was made for the sake of my children and husband. Lyn was in no way forgotten, but I had to come out from the distress of Lyn’s loss ceaselessly overshadowing me. I lived with just questions and no answers, endlessly wondering if, and where, she was.

A journey of 40 years

How do you describe the impact of over 40 years of life without your sister? There were so many ups and downs over 40 years, but always Lyn’s loss and what had happened to her was as a black cloud hanging over me, despite trying to live as normal life as I could. There were times of hope and times of despair, a roller coaster ride. In late 1982 I wrote to private investigators in the hope of uncovering information the police had been unable to find, without luck.

Detective Damian Loone took on the case. We met with him in 1998, witnesses had come forward and subsequently there were the Coronial Inquiries of 2001 and 2003, a welcome but very stressful time. With strong findings against ‘a known person’ by both coroners we were so very optimistic that charges would be laid, again our hopes were dashed. I and family members constantly wrote letters to the ODPP, local members of parliament, the attorneys general, various Premiers of NSW, etc. We collected signatures on a petition and presented it to parliament asking that Lyn’s case be re-examined, but again were met with disappointment.

Chris Dawson’s email to his daughter in England asked her to send it to my brother Greg and myself concerning a supposed sighting of Lyn at the Antique’s Roadshow. I contacted the Visitor Information Centre in that area of Cornwall to be given details of the main local newspaper. They ran the story without response. The person in the photo did not resemble Lyn but I wanted to dispel the erroneous claim being thrown up by Dawson that it was Lyn. He suggested Shanelle go to Cornwall to look for her mother!

To write to Neddy Smith in jail was extremely difficult for me. I wanted to confirm his business and personal association with Paul Hayward, who played 1st grade Rugby League with Chris and Paul Dawson for the Newtown Jets. The letter was returned by the Governor of Long Bay Jail without being passed on. I had done this so there could be no regrets that I hadn’t done all I could. Every step taken, especially writing to a criminal such as Neddy Smith was difficult and took its toll.

Detective Daniel Poole and his team reinvestigated Lyn’s case, our hopes were that with her disappearance being looked at with new eyes there would be a breakthrough at last. Hedley Thomas’ podcast with new evidence and witnesses was such a positive thing for us and it gave us hope. The combination of the police investigation, the podcast and the resultant decision by the DPP to charge Chris Dawson with Lyn’s murder was the outcome we had waited so long to hear, and for which we will be forever grateful. That was an amazing and memorable day for us. I know I jumped in the air with excitement when I heard the news.

I have always thought I was an emotionally strong person with the challenges I have faced and I have tried to accepted whatever life has thrown at me. I found my emotional wellbeing much tested by the many delays in recent years as Dawson sought to evade facing trial, using every legal avenue. The decision to delay because a jury might be contaminated by the Teacher’s Pet podcast set us waiting once more.

Dawson decided to apply for a judge only trial after all, meaning that long and unnecessary delay had its impact, the waiting never seemed to end.

The trial itself was most welcome but challenging and the evidence being given again opened up wounds that had confronted us after Lyn disappeared. It was difficult to go back over these hurts anew. Witness observations (in court) of Lyn had a great impact on me and caused me distress. The Lyn I knew was a calm and confident person, vibrant, caring, funny and intelligent. It’s extremely sad that Chris’s actions had deprived Lyn of confidence and reduced this lovely person to such a state.

This long journey for justice for Lyn for 40 years with all its twists and turns has had a powerful impact on me. Our lives changed from the day she disappeared. My mother and father were devastated at her loss. They and my elder brother Phil, died without knowing what had happened to Lyn, as did our older generation of aunts and uncles who all loved Lyn and were deeply invested with love in an outcome. One uncle, now 99 years of age, lived to hear the news of the guilty verdict.

The ripple effect of the selfish actions of this man who must have what he wanted at all costs with no concern for others than himself was unbelievable and has affected generations on both his and my families.

We were a very ordinary family, never in the limelight, and I grew up feeling that devastating tragedies didn’t touch an ordinary family like ours. Lyn’s disappearance and the journey has since has taught me that no one is safe from tragedy, it can unexpectedly strike anywhere, and justice can also be a long time coming.

As Lyn was the only one of Mum and Dad’s four children living in Sydney, in early 1985 we relocated from the country to Sydney to be closer to my parents, to perhaps fill a little of the gap left by their devastating loss of Lyn.

My enduring and lovely memory, a very special one, is of Lyn when we visited her at Bayview. We had three small boys, aged two and a half, and just four. As we walked up the driveway Lyn came rushing down to greet us, arms outstretched and she enveloped my boys in the biggest warm hug, exclaiming, ‘My beautiful boys, my beautiful boys!’ This is the loving person that Chris Dawson deprived us of and the mental anguish of Lyn’s loss has damaged all her loved ones irrevocably. I have lived for 40 years without my sister in my life, my children have not known their aunt. Lyn has been missed by her friends and our family and that pain cannot be resolved. We also lost being an essential part of Lyn’s daughters’ lives, and I was always concerned over their situation, but without knowledge. All this was taken from us by the selfish actions of Chris Dawson.

Lyn’s children have missed 40 years of Lyn’s love and her seeing them grow into adulthood and we have missed 40 years of life with Lyn.

Thank you.