Top-shelf Daniel Andrews scales his North Face …

Alice WorkmanTHE SKETCH

2 min read

7:20PMOctober 26, 2020

Some loyal Daniel Andrews fans say they can predict what the Victorian Premier will say based during his daily Covid updated based on his outfit and time of day the conference is held. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Daniel Pockett

North Face was trending on Monday.

Victorians were hoping, praying and tweeting that Daniel Andrews would strut into his 116th-straight press conference in casual weekend clothes to mark Double Doughnut Day (zero new cases, zero deaths). Some #IStandWithDan-ers say they can predict whether the Premier’s COVID updates will be good or bad based on his outfit and the time he picks to hold his briefing. 11am = not so bad news. Afternoon = bad news. Wearing a suit (sans tie) = really bad news. Wearing a suit at the weekend after midday = really, really bad news. Wearing a North Face jacket = time to get on the beers. Monday’s allocated time? 3:15pm. Yet as the day dragged on, Danistaners started to fret.

Me waiting for the Dan Andrews presser today... pic.twitter.com/0QXAVV7FSR
— Tim Michell (@tim_michell) October 26, 2020

Wannabe opposition leader Tim Smith, nicknamed the “member for 2GB”, was on the blower to Ben Fordham. Melbourne is a hellhole. So many of my friends have left or are wanting to leave. Daniel Andrews has wrecked the joint,” the state Liberal said.

Andrews dons his famous jacket. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Daniel Pockett

The human headline Derryn Hinch wants to get out. Literally. “Mr Premier, there are thousands, millions, of Melburnians hanging out for your words today,” he tweeted. “Our 4-letter word is ‘hope’. Hoping, with today’s stunning 0-0 numbers, and 3.6 not 5.0, you will announce something positive for business and our personal freedoms.”Barnaby Joyce had a suggestion: “Hey Dan, how about we just have the Melbourne Cup as well? Like give up on that one as well,” following the Gabba gamble. “There’s no point, mate. You couldn’t run a chook raffle in a pub. Find another job.”Health Minister Greg Hunt was grumpy no one told him how the goalposts were moving on Sunday. “I was giving the press conference on behalf of the government and one of the journalists relayed the Premier’s position, so we knew when the public knew,” he complained to 3AW.Channelling Anthony Warlow, Hunt declared: “This is the moment. Today’s the day where Victoria … should respectfully open up in a COVID-safe way.”Then it was Josh Frydenberg’s turn in question time. “And that’s why it was with real surprise that there wasn’t an announcement yesterday about the reopening in Victoria,” the Treasurer said, as MPs constantly refreshed their phones. “It’s really important today that the Premier of Victoria seizes this opportunity with the reduction in the number of places to open businesses in a COVID-safe way and allow Victorians to get back to work.”

Bill Shorten wasn’t keen to criticise the Dandemic.

“I think the last thing Melburnians need are armchair generals here,” he said, safely ensconced in the ACT.

Andrews didn’t emerge until 3:23pm, but in a knowing sartorial wink he was wearing the North Face. “Can I confirm you are saying we can finally get on the beers?” was the first question.

His reply? “I won’t be having a beer.” Pause. “I might go a little higher up the shelf.”