The Sketch: Race talk a non-starter unless you’re the OECD

Scott Morrison and Health Minister Greg Hunt come to grips with the existential during question time on Tuesday. Picture: AAP

It’s the existential question of our Covid time — when is a (vaccine) race not a (vaccine) race? And if it’s not a (vaccine) race, what (vaccine) race is it not? Before we can get to the bottom of who (has been vaccinated) and when (everyone else will be), surely we need to know who (is timing us) and what (surface are we running on)? An Olympic running track, a spin around Mount Panorama, an off-road BMX trail?

Workforce Minister Stuart Robert wants to “chart our way through our economy recovery”, suggesting more of a nautical ­affair. The rocky seas of the Sydney to Hobart, where lives are lost? Or perhaps the annual boat race between Oxford and Cambridge is a better metaphor. The 200-year-old course on the River Thames is a straight-line row without rip tides, yet crews continue to sink or capsize.

The debate about the (vaccine) race found Brendan Murphy taking a long hard look underneath the Morrison government bus on Tuesday. “The reference to ‘not a race’ was first said by the secretary of the department of health Professor Brendan Murphy,” Scott Morrison told question time. “I affirmed his remarks … because all the way through this pandemic, one of the key factors our government and governments around the country and governments in other countries have always been mindful of is the expert advice informing the decisions we have taken.”

Murphy conceded he did say it was not a race, but now that we’re in something akin to a race (which isn’t a race), it may not be a very helpful phrase. “We’re now going and it’s not a term I use anymore,” he said. “It’s not a race in the sense that we’re not competing against anyone else.”

Hang on — what do you call it when someone is in a pseudo-competition where they keep comparing their results to other countries multiple times a day?

Deputy PM Michael McCormack would obviously prefer a race run by planes, trains and auto­mobiles – if they can avoid the Covid 5km roadblocks and traffic light border systems.

“Our 10-year pipeline of investment in infrastructure,” the asphalt fan told question time, “is helping through the Covid-19 recovery and while we are a long way out from being out of it yet, the work sites … on our roads, on our bridges, indeed on our rail, on our airports, is making such a ­difference.”

With the wrath of Speaker Tony Smith not yet sated, Labor took to Twitter for their question time heckles. “The problem with calling Scott Morrison a cheap used car salesman is that it’s highly insulting and unfair to used car salesmen,” Julian Hill shot off.

“The ScoMo Express rides again to take out Dr Brendan Murphy,” Anika Wells tooted.

You know who is running a race? The OECD, now headed by former finance minister Mathias Cormann. “We are in a race to vaccinate,” the OECD says. “Recovery is within our grasp but we can only get there with a more effective, more co-ordinated and more equitable vaccination rollout around the world.”

While we’re digging into Covid semantics, viruses don’t come in waves. If they did wash up on your shores, Peter Dutton would have arrested them.

In #QT, The PM is asked whether he regrets his "not a race" comments about the vaccine rollout. @ScottMorrisonMP claims he's quoting the Health Sec Brendan Murphy and accuses the opposition of playing politics with "the advice provided by our experts." #[e-mail]/Ajxt6a5jUs

— Naveen Razik 📰 (@naveenjrazik) June 1, 2021