The Sketch: No more Christian Porter jokes this year? Happy days

Attorney-General Christian Porter jumps his own shark as Scott Morrison checks his phone during the final question time of 2020. Picture: Getty Images

And lo, it came to pass that the final question time of 2020 kicked off with an argument about whether a motorcycle can jump a shark. Oh, the irony!

The on-water matter started when Scott Morrison subbed out an answer to Christian Porter, with what Anthony Albanese ­described as “a contemptuous nod of the head”.

The Attorney-General bound to the dispatch box with glee not seen since that episode of Four Corners. He dismissed Labor’s ­industrial relations inquiry and ­instead posed his own.

“The question really is why are the members for Watson (Chris Bowen) and Grayndler (Albanese) on their motorcycles seeing who can jump the biggest shark? What is going on there?”, Porter probed as part of a Laboured metaphor about leadership spills.

Josh Frydenberg looked confused. Didn’t Arthur Fonzarelli use a water ski when he leapt the celebrity shark (unconsciously creating the pejorative) on Happy Days? If you thought IR law was complicated, try Porter’s jokes.

Aaaaay … the seal was broken and Porter kept hitting the proverbial jukebox. “There they are on the motorcycle, ‘broom-broom’, getting ready to jump the biggest shark they can find. Why are they both trying so hard to out overreach each other?”

Do water skis go “broom- broom”? And if we are to flog the Fonz horse, does that mean Bowen’s office is a bathroom?

Albanese jumped to his feet for a sharknado point of order. “And it goes to accuracy. A motorbike can’t jump a shark.”

Well it could on land. If the shark was dead, or in a tank.

Surely a missed opportunity for Albanese to seek leave to table a YouTube video of the Happy Days scene. Or at the very least, a gif. Porter hit back: “We’ll explain what the phrase ‘jumping the shark’ means after question time.”

Labor backbencher Rob Mitchell couldn’t help himself and compared Porter to Frank Spencer, the beret-wearing character from British sitcom Some Mother’s Do ’Ave Em. A delightful 70s reference which earned him a caution from Speaker Tony Smith. “It is disorderly to compare anyone in this house to a fictional character and I’ll say to the member for ­McEwen, it is dangerous territory for him.”

For what it’s worth, Michael Crawford, who played Spencer, went on to become the Phantom of the Opera.

The theatrics didn’t end there. After Stuart Robert talked up the government’s bulk lasagne-based comeback and self appointed Minister for Love, David Littleproud, spruiked his success at making agriculture sexy again, Porter went full Star Wars.

“If Yoda were here, he would remind us … that fear of leadership tensions leads to the dark side … leadership fear leads to anger. Anger leads to wildly untrue assertions in question time. That is the path to the dark side of politics and that’s the path that this opposition is on.”

Sure, but would Yoda jump a shark on a motorcycle? Works, it does not.