The Sketch: Net loss latest chapter in misadventures of Bridget McKenzie

Senator Bridget McKenzie laps up the chance to get her own back on journalists. Picture: Gary Ramage

Painters were spotted working on the toilet blocks next to the netball courts at Parliament House on Wednesday morning as players gathered for the annual Pollies v Press showdown.

“Part of the government’s infamous community infrastructure program?’’ Labor MPs joked. ­Surely not in the uber-safe Labor seat of Canberra!

Then again, Scott Morrison has been insistent that he doesn’t want “girls changing in cars or out the back of the sheds rather than having their own changing facilities”. And don’t forget a club in the PM’s electorate was given $50,000 for a building that had already been built.

Suddenly, a surprise guest ­appeared that put an end to the speculation. Cue the theme to The Adventures of Bridget McKenzie!

It had been months since the former Nationals deputy had made an appearance at the regular sitting week 7am netball game. But only three weeks since she was forced to resign from the frontbench over the $100m sports rorts.

There were no colour-coded spreadsheets in sight as she threw on a green bib to play the final third as goal keeper — the former PE teacher’s favourite position.

Tongue out, jumping to defend the net, McKenzie showed all the reach and dexterity one would need to take the fall over an election-winning pork-barrel scandal.

“Here if you need!” came the ­famous netball cry from fellow pollies, Labor’s Jenny McAllister, Peta Murphy, Anika Wells, Josh Burns and Sharon Claydon.

The comeback wasn’t exactly a triumph for McKenzie. The press secured a rare victory, but sadly no one recorded the score. We hear it was close to 30-10. The journos were also successful in soccer (1-0) and touch football (4-3).

Barnaby Joyce fronted for a round of no-contact rugby. The former Nationals leader has never been one to shy away from a stoush, and witnesses say he was so caught up in the battle he momentarily forgot it wasn’t a game of tackle.

Podcast host Matt Canavan also found himself stuck at the back of a scrum in the narrow press gallery corridor, headed by ­Michael McCormack. Like a child on a bear hunt, Canavan had no choice but to go through it and come face-to-face in front of the cameras for the first time with the man he tried to boot as Nationals leader not three weeks ago. You know, the caaaaarpe diem failed coup that lost him his job as a cabinet minister.

Cue the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme! “Senator Matt Canvan,” MickMack announced as the backbencher suddenly appeared.

“I’m not going to do a Joel to you, mate,” Canavan laughed, referring to Joyce and Joel Fitzgibbon’s seven-minute shout-off earlier in the week. The pair then proceeded to pat each other on the back with forced gusto. “You’re doing a great job, keep it up,” Canavan said before walking away.

Then former Labor deputy Tanya Plibersek appeared. What was this, ghosts of leaders past?

The smile slipped from MickMack’s face as he was asked about the Back in Black budget backdown. “You’ll have to wait until May,” the Nationals leader said. “It’s like suggesting that Hawthorn’s not going to win the premiership and it’s only February. I am hoping that Hawthorn will win the premiership, they’ve lost a trial game the other day, you know, it’s early days.”

Are you embarrassed? Josh Frydenberg was asked on the ABC, about the significant lack of promised surplus? “We’re back in balance, and no one can ever take that away from us,” came the reply.

Labor’s Jim Chalmers could barely contain his glee: “Frydenberg’s interview on radio this morning had all of the coherence of a Sydney baboon rampage.”

For full details on the monkey madness, check out Strewth on Page 11.