The Sketch: Michael McCormack paddywhacked, what’s the damage?

New Nats deputy David Littleproud with re-elected leader Michael McCormack. Picture: AAP

Barnaby Joyce’s caaaaarpe diem didn’t quite go according to plan.

Luckily, the National Press Club has offered up the perfect “cocktail of the week” to drown any defeated sorrows: the “No Joyce”! Vodka, Midori, crushed pineapple, lemonade and soda; on sale for a very reasonable $10.

We assume beetroot juice wasn’t available?

But the question on everyone’s lips: was the final leadership vote “a hit, a very palpable 11 to 10 hit” or “just a 15 to 6 flesh wound”?

“You will never find out,” Chief Whip Damien Drum ominously told the media scrum outside the Nationals partyroom.

If you believed the spin spurting from the Re-Joyce camp before 9am, there was no question the father of six would be getting his old job back.

And according to The Courier-Mail, he was running against … Labor MP Brendan O’Connor?

The paper mixed up its middle-aged white men and instead of ­Michael McCormack’s picture alongside Joyce, it opted for a shot of O’Connor. News.com.au made the same mistake.

“In breaking news, Brendan O’Connor tells me his mum was a McCormack,” Tanya Plibersek tweeted. “That explains the sad defamation poor Brendan continues to suffer.”

Meanwhile, the real Deputy Prime Minister told the cameras “I think it’s time to go in and say a prayer” as he walked into St ­Andrew’s Presbyterian Church for the traditional start-of-the-school-year service.

“Are you going to be prime minister by the end of the day?” one journo oddly asked.

McCormack laughed: “Scott Morrison would have something to say about that but you never know, politics is an interesting game.”

Bridget McKenzie before the vote. Picture: Gary Ramage

At the same time, the traffic lights began to flash at the bottom of Capital Hill, forcing white-gloved Australian Federal Police to direct traffic around Extinction Rebellion protesters waving “Out damned Scott, out I say” and “Grandads for climate change” signs at passing Comcars.

The team at Sportsbet tried to have a punt both ways. At 7.23pm on Monday it had “McCormack ($1.85) tipped to hold off Barnaby Joyce ($3)”. By 8.39am on Tuesday it was “Joyce, (Adam) Bandt backed to take over leadership posts”, with MickMack out to $2.10 and Joyce at $1.85.

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” came the crude text from one Labor MP.

Was the smell of smoke coming from one of the three watch-and-act bushfires creeping towards the Canberra bubble or the Deputy PM’s phone?

As the minutes counted down to the ballot, Joyce popped up on Nine’s Today show: “We all make mistakes. And I think Australia is a place where if you make a mistake, they’ll back you in again, as long as you show you’ve basically taken your medicine.”

Senator Matt Canavan. Picture: Gary Ramage

Wrong! Unless you’re Bridget McKenzie, apparently. Labor didn’t bother to stifle laughter as she informed the chamber she’d resigned from the ministry only to be re-elected Nats’ Senate leader. The punchline? Fellow backbencher Matt Canavan is her deputy.

It’s the first time in 15 years the junior Coalition partner hasn’t had a minister in the Senate. “It’s a f..king embarrassment,” one Liberal MP said.

Happy Nationals centenary year, one and all!