The Sketch: Leaks and spills may be a portent of locusts

Government ministers Stuart Robert and Peter Dutton share a joke during a rain-affected question time on Monday. Picture: Gary Ramage

It’s a familiar problem for political parties. Yet Parliament House seemed unprepared when a leak sprung outside the House of Representatives chamber.

A steady drip led to many a whispered spill joke (a giggle-litre?) among some knowing backbenchers. “Leakier than the Minister of Defence’s office,” one anonymous adviser declared.

Towels were hastily thrown across the floor to stop a Daniel Andrews-style slip and fall before question time. The last thing the Morrison government needs is another lawsuit. Oh, dam Daniel! The ACT’s dams reached 100 per cent capacity on Monday for only the second time since 2013.

Sandbagging wasn’t only restricted to Windsor in NSW, where a bridge designed to be “flood proof” went almost completely underwater.

“If it’s flooded, forget it, that’s the very clear message that this parliament is sending today,” Scott Morrison advised. Is that why the Prime Minister refused to answer eight times whether his staff backgrounded journos about Brittany Higgins’ partner? He also didn’t think it was pertinent to tell anyone that the internal inquiry into who knew what and when had been paused.

Terrible timing for a slip of ScoMo’s tongue: “Mr Speaker, I misled … I completely reject … I completely reject the assertion put forward by the Leader of the Opposition.” Is that PM and Cabinet boss Phil Gaetjens we can hear escaping to higher ground?

“The Prime Minister is an empathy vacuum and an accountability blackhole,” Anthony Albanese managed to get out before Peter Dutton shut down debate. Dutton has stepped into absent Leader of the House Christian Porter’s shoes with the same enthusiasm as “on water matters”.

“Don’t ask so then you can deny,” Labor’s Catherine King shouted, before her microphone was turned off too.

Water Minister David Littleproud offered this reflection. “Yeah, we are a tough bunch. We keep getting it thrown at us, but you would like a reprieve for a ­little while.” A sentiment no doubt shared by Finance Minister Simon Birmingham over in Senate estimates.

With things mopped up, Michael McCormack offered his take on the Old Testament action. “When meteorologists begin measuring rainfall by feet, rather than the old country way in inches, there is certainly a problem,” the Deputy Prime Minister mused. Maybe we should measure it in Big Macs?

It seems Quiet Australia’s biblical weather won’t end anytime soon. We’ve checked off smoke, out-of-control bushfires, golf-ball sized hail, a dust storm, rolling blackouts, a pandemic and now floods. What’s next from the 10 plagues that hit Egypt? Water turning to blood? Frogs, lice and flies? Locusts? Disease on livestock? Maybe unhealable boils?