The Sketch: Forget the economic gloom, AFL ball-up starts a riotous free-for-all

Treasurer Josh Frydenberg and Prime Minister Scott Morrison in question time on Wednesday. Picture: Sean Davey

Australia is now officially in the second recession we had to have.

“Govt admits jobs will be lost,” screamed The Australian’s front page on November 30, 1990.

“Unemployment has been ‘rocking up’, with more than 11,000 people joining the dole queues in the past fortnight, the Minister for Social Security, Senator (Graham) Richardson, told the Senate yesterday.”

Economics editor Alan Wood mused: “It seems that Paul has been on the road to Damascus again.”

It was 36C in Adelaide, 33C in Darwin, fine and 29C in Brisbane, 21C in Hobart and, ironically, late storms in Canberra. The dollar was worth US77.11c and the paper cost 50 cents *freight extra.

.@australian's front page 29 years ago, during the last recession

"It seems that Paul has been on the road to Damascus again.." pic.twitter.com/VCGLbpF775

— Alice Workman (@workmanalice) September 2, 2020

Unfortunately for us, Treasury later revised the figures and the recession technically happened the following year: 1991.

Which is also the last time the grand final wasn’t played at the MCG. Coincidence?

In 1991, the No 1 song was Everything I Do (I Do It For You) by Bryan Adams and Terminator 2 was the top grossing film. Bob Hawke was prime minister, George Bush Sr was in the White House, John Major at 10 Downing Street, Allan Border the Australian cricket captain and the ­median house price in Hobart? $89,000.

Australia’s youngest sitting member, Greens senator Jordan Steele-John, wouldn’t be born for another three years.

But back to this recession.

Thumbs up!

“It is faster and deeper than what we saw in the 1980s and 90s,” Josh Frydenberg perorated, mid-point to one of his many power point slides. “To put it in context … at the height of the GFC in 2009, the global economy contracted by 0.9 per cent. The only time it had contracted in 40 years. The OECD is saying the global economy this year will contract by a full 6 per cent, Mr Speaker. And you have the World Bank saying more economies will contract this year than at any time since 1870.”

There’s been a record 12.1 per cent drop in household consumption. But, hey, alcohol spending is up 17.4 per cent to June 2020.

Only a few minutes into his Q&A, Sky News cut the Treasurer’s feed: AFL boss Gillon McLachlan was announcing the location of the big dance: (Very Juan Antonio Samaranch voice) The winner is … The Gabba!

The first time in 123 years it’s been held outside Victoria and, well, you can’t please everyone.

“It is an absolute travesty that the AFL once again is abiding by its first rule, which is always finding a way to do over Western Australia by sending the grand final to Queensland! It’s not even a football state,” Matt Keogh kicked off.

WA MP @mattkeogh isn't happy the AFL Grand Final will be in Queensland - "It's not even a football state!" #auspol @SBSNews pic.twitter.com/TTAqmhSFjF

— Brett Mason (@BrettMasonNews) September 1, 2020

The Labor member for Burt can’t believe quokkas weren’t enough to win the showdown.

Queensland Labor senator Anthony Chisholm had no sympathy. “Ha, ha, sad. Gil says otherwise,” he tweeted at Keogh.

SA Greens senator Sarah Hanson-Young threw a handball. “Queensland hosting the @AFL grand final is a rubbish decision. Absolute BS. Qld isn’t even an AFL state. Adelaide Oval was the obvious choice. Outrageous!”

Ironically, AFL was also important enough to make the front page in 1990: “Collingwood manager Graeme Allan was fined $15,000 last night and barred from the arena until 1992.”