The Sketch: For musical heirs, a lesson in how to face the music
NSW Labor obviously didn’t learn any lessons from their recent outing to Hamilton at Sydney’s Lyric Theatre. They could have avoided this whole mess with Jodi McKay and Chris Minns if they had just listened to the Ten Spill Commandments*.
No 1: The challenge. Demand satisfaction (resign from frontbench via Twitter). If they apologise, no need for action (depending on what Bob Nanva says).
No 2: If they don’t, grab a friend, that’s your second (McKay, Yasmin Catley; Minns, Walt Secord), your lieutenant when there’s reckoning to be reckoned (who leaked that dirt file?).
No 3: Have your seconds meet face to face (in the Strangers’ Restaurant). Negotiate peace or negotiate a time and place. This is commonplace, specially ’tween recruits (student unity). Most disputes die and no one shoots (unless the faceless men order it).
No 4: If they don’t reach accord, that’s all right (that’s why you joined NSW Labor!). Time to get pistols and a doctor on site. (Secord was Bob Carr’s spin doctor — does that count? Probably not. Grab health spokesman Ryan Park). Pay him in advance (cash in Aldi bag), treat him with civility (well, the Paul Keating equivalent), and have him turn around so he can have deniability (but still background journos).
No 5: Duel before the sun is in the sky (after your almond latte). Pick a place to die where it’s high and dry (Opera House steps).
No 6: Leave a note for next of kin (Prue Carr, Rose Jackson). Tell ’em where you’ve been (NSW ICAC). Pray hell or heaven lets you in (or get Neville Wran to put in a good word).
No 7: Confess your sins (to Richo). Get ready for the adrenaline (after another almond latte) when you face your opponent.
No 8: Last chance to negotiate (over dim sum at Golden Century with Sam Dastyari). Send in seconds to see if they can set the record straight (or get the numbers).
No 9: Look them in the eye, aim no higher (than the TV camera). Summon all the courage (and branch support) you require. Then count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 …
10: Paces! Fire!
The moral: if you stand for nothing, what’ll you fall for? (And don’t die in a duel against someone named Aaron.)
With apologies to Lin-Manuel Miranda, Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.
‘National apology needed on anti-Semitism’
Former health minister Greg Hunt will call on the Albanese government to make a national parliamentary apology to Australia’s Jewish population for the rise of anti-Semitism.
Dutton shrugs off new Labor scare campaign
Labor will launch the start of federal parliament for 2025 with a multi-broadcast scare campaign against Peter Dutton, as the Opposition Leader signalled he would not accept a public service workforce above 200,000.