The Sketch: Barnaby Joyce’s Weatherboard Nine a few planks short of constructive

“People always say Weatherboard Nine, thinking it’s some new handicap in golf or maybe a new band,” Barnaby Joyce complains in the opening minute of his podcast.

“No, it’s Weatherboard AND Iron, which is a type of house — iron roof and weatherboard exterior.”

It’s a metaphor, the father of six explains. Also the title of his 2018 book (still on sale in Big W for $24) and now the audio brainchild of fellow Nationals backbencher Matt Canavan.

“It sort of represents our constituency and I do have some more time now, thanks to you Barnaby, so I thought I better make myself productive,” co-host Canavan joked about his second week outside the Morrison ministry.

Coming in at 29 minutes and 52 seconds, the first episode — recorded within the Canberra Bubble earlier this week — is a reminder of why Joyce’s ministerial office had a policy of not releasing interview transcripts.

“There’s nothing worse than the moanful bitching of politicians and I think we’ve all done it ourselves at times,” Joyce says, unironically, 16 minutes in.

“And you listen to that sort of faux gravitas of someone banging on … you almost see them crying tears of blood with the flag wrapped around them … I’ll tell you who’s got problems, not politicians — kids in cancer wards, they have problems.”

But what about the failed caaaaaaarpe diem? The leadership soap opera that, according to Nationals minister Mark Coulton, “regional Australia couldn’t give a rat’s toenail about”.

Canavan starts: “A lot’s happened in the last week … some people from outside probably … (see) that as a bit of a circus.”

“What happened, I wasn’t here,” Joyce responds, deadpan.

“Well you surprised a lot of people … What happened mate, why did you do it?” Canavan asks.

Because “it’s our right in this nation”, Joyce explains. “That is why we are in this building. If you don’t believe in democracy, what the hell are you doing in Australian Parliament House?”

“I’m still filthy with Llew (O’Brien). He’s got a pay rise, I’ve taken a pay cut (of $150,000 or so),” Canavan says.

“Well, the best way to get a pay rise, I believe, is to go to the crossbench,” Joyce replies.

“More staff usually too,” Canavan laughs. No wonder Michael McCormack told Nine “time will tell” if there’ll be another spill.

This isn’t the first podcast released by bored politicians. Labor MP Andrew Leigh has put out 112 episodes of The Good Life, which we’re sure has had dozens of listens.

Could-have-been Labor leader Chris Bowen launched his career behind the mic in December with McKell Institute CEO (and losing Labor candidate) Sam Crosby, in a show called Rekindling Hope. The production values are high, as are the nerd vibes.

Then there’s Pyne Time, part of Christopher Pyne’s quest to flood the media on an almost Old Testament-like scale.

But what do the experts think of Weatherboard Nine?

The Australian’s Walkley Award-winning podcast guru Eric George offered feedback.

“Earlier this week, Alexander Downer opined that our media would be better served letting politicians speak expansively and without heavy examination in the hope they might relax and let something interesting slip,” he said. “This podcast is an emphatic example of how terrible that idea is. ”

His conclusion: “Producers exist for a reason, and this show is dying for a good one.” Brutal!