The Sketch: Barnaby Joyce moves on to drink alone while Michael McCormack bores for gold

Barnaby Joyce in question time on Wednesday. Picture: Gary Ramage

“In politics, losers don’t have friends,” one Liberal joked after spotting Barnaby Joyce drinking champagne alone on Tuesday night.

After pre-emptively measuring the curtains in the deputy prime minister’s office, the backbencher was loitering by the bar at the “back to parliament” drinks in the Nationals partyroom.

“The boil has been lanced, let’s move on,” Joyce assured ABC New England, vowing that there were no circumstances under which he could see himself running again.

But to quote Barnaby (from a 2018 episode of ABC’s Four Corners): “The question really should be: Do you completely trust any politician? To which any answer is no.”

Despite the day’s events, the not-so-quiet topic de jour at the knees-up was who will Nationals leader Michael McCormack “promote for their vote”?

While former Kiwi Joyce was lubricating his loss, David Littleproud was doing an on-air victory lap. Of sorts.

“Have you told Michael McCormack that he’s boring?” 2GB host Ben Fordham asked to big laughs of Littleproud, who responded: “We’re all a bit boring in some ways, mate.”

We respectfully disagree. Take a look at Strewth to find out what one of our spies saw the newbie Nationals deputy doing while his predecessor was getting the axe.

Luckily, Fordo wasn’t having a bar of it. “Well,” he said, “you’re not as boring as him. I mean, he could bore for Australia, he’s a gold medallist in the boring department.”

At 2pm, Scott Morrison presented a revised ministry list to parliament.

“Did you use pencil?” Labor heckled, prompting a knowing chuckle across the chamber.

Morrison’s update included which Liberal ministers would be answering Nationals portfolio questions in Senate question time now they are barren of frontbenchers.

Cue present sport minister Richard Colbeck — the new target of Labor’s pork sport rort retort. He didn’t have much to offer on the infamous colour-coded spreadsheet made by Bridget McKenzie’s office.

“I haven't seen that document because the ABC hasn’t published it,” Colbeck claimed. Is he giving the ABC permission to publish a confidential government document?

After somehow getting its hands on the government’s 12 pages of talking points on Tuesday, Labor also seemed clued in as to whose shoulder would be tapped to join cabinet.

“It’s your valedictory! It’s your valedictory!” Victorian Labor MP Andrew Giles heckled a smiling Keith Pitt, after the Queenslander asked a Dorothy Dixer from the backbench.

“Why don’t you ask it, then go down and answer it,” Labor’s Pat Conroy suggested.

Pitt, sources say, will be named the new minister for resources and northern Australia on Thursday. Luckily Luke Gosling, the Labor member for Solomon, stepped in to save a lacklustre question time. When Speaker Tony Smith asked him to withdraw an “unparliamentary remark”, Gosling replied: “Which one?”