The Sketch: A coughing fit for the ages has Josh Frydenberg lost for words

Treasurer Josh Frydenberg pulls up short, stopped in his tracks by a cough that keeps on going. Picture: Getty Images.

The economy is flat on its back and Josh is back on the hack.

On the list of not-ideal times to have a coughing fit, smack bang in the middle of your highly touted, sobering pandemic-themed budget-not-budget speech would have to be right up there.

And yet that’s exactly what happened to Josh Frydenberg on Tuesday. On the day the “back in black budget” was meant to have been delivered, the Treasurer ended up in self-isolation, awaiting a COVID-19 test result.

The optics were as bad as you can imagine. Now the only thing history will ­remember is the excruciatingly awkward 58-second footage­ of Frydenberg dry-coughing into the microphone (and eventually his elbow).

“Sorry … Lucky I’ve got some water … Too long a speech,” Frydenberg spluttered as he necked taxpayer-funded bottled water. “Like … like … sorry my voice has gone now.”

Michael McCormack, roughly 1.5m away, visibly flinched as each cough droplet hit the air. No one was willing to break ­social distancing to give Frydenberg a swift tap on the back, or a Lemsip.

“I hope they sanitise the microphone and dispatch box,” one polit­ician grumbled, having been forced because of social distancing to watch the speech from their ­office down the corridor.

“Do you think everyone on the VIPs will be tested?” another asked. Luckily, the public gallery was empty. The hundreds of political hacks, Real Housewives and Human Ken Dolls who typically flock to the Canberra Bubble for the budget booze-ups were stuck at home.

The Treasurer swigs from a bottle of water as he updates the House of Representatives on the state of the nation’s finances after a coughing fit. Picture: Getty Images

Then there’s the irony that Frydenberg was in Parliament House to pass privacy legislation about the contact-tracing-not-tracking app. Did he have his COVIDSafe app switched on?

Luckily, nearly all the 71 politicians in the truncated chamber claim to have downloaded it. Excep­t Greens leader Adam Bandt, Andrew Wilkie and Bob Katter (who turns 75 next week).

More importantly, did Fran Kelly’s dog foreshadow this whole novel affair?

Just after 7.30am, listeners heard barks emerge from their radio, just as Anthony Albanese claimed Frydenberg “is not telling us” the true state of the nation.

Kelly, broadcasting RN Breakfast from home, could be heard carolling the pup off mic before saying: “I apologise for Buster, he’s obviously sensed something dangerous in the hallway.”

A billion-dollar deficit? A cluster­ of corona? Canberra claimed it was COVID-free!

Never missing an opportunity, Albanese replied: “Talking about Josh Frydenberg has upset him.”

Frydenberg had a cold in March after he returned from Saudi Arabia. He was tested then, it came back negative and he assured­ us he’s had a clean bill of health since. He feels fine! The coughing attack was just a dry mouth. A frog in his throat. Not the dreaded big C.

But just to be safe he pulled out of his RN Drive radio interview and 7.30 TV spot. Luckily, Finance Minister Mathias Cormann was warming up in the wings.

“Could it be the cold Canberra weather?” one politician suggested. “Or Cormann’s new Comcar fleet?”

Cormann’s new grey cars ­(Toyota Camry Hybrid sedans) were rolled out this week sans heated seats … which we hear caused a few pollies to drop a few Cs on their way to work when the temp hit a frosty -2C.

Labor frontbencher Jim Chal­m­ers couldn’t help himself. “If only the Treasurer had coughed up some detail or a plan,” he said, while joshing about Josh minutes after the coughing fit. Looks like the “new normal” bipartisanship is officially over.

“In normal times, today would be budget day,” Chalmers told the chamber. “Those opposite had ­already printed the mugs, they’d already filmed the ads, they’d ­already rehearsed the slogans.”

Frydenberg’s 2020 slogan is “Australia knows there’s no money tree”. Not that anyone will remember it.