Sketch: What could possibly go wrong? Well, plenty if it’s MickMack opening the batting

Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Martin Ollman

Michael McCormack, where the bloody hell are you?

“And I tell you what – I would much sooner live in Australia than anywhere else in the nation,” the Acting Prime Minister said in question time on Tuesday.

Which begs the question: which other micro-nations make up the great nation of Australia? The Hutt River Province? NSW ICAC? The no ovaries allowed Australia Club? The newly gutted Victorian Comanchero gang? The dried fruit faction in the ­Nationals partyroom?

By the end of the hour, MickMack had kissed the bitumen and come to this on-brand, if generic, conclusion: “I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else other than ­regional Australia right now.”

Well, perhaps not in the flooding Gippsland. “The man who saved a bus driver being swept away at Traralgon – he said ‘I was pretty physically buggered; oh well, it’s what you do, isn’t it!’ Such an Australian thing to say, such bravery,” the Nationals leader informed colleagues, as two babes in arms provided a vocal objection from the public gallery.

Hours earlier, Josh Frydenberg was quizzed on how he thought MickMack would go in Scott Morrison’s chair. “Well, I spoke to him last night and he’s ready to take any ball that’s bowled at him,” the Treasurer predicted. “A yorker or a full toss and see it head towards the boundary.”

But he didn’t see Speaker Tony Smith’s new balls coming.

It took one minute for the Acting Prime Minister’s to earn his first slap on the wrist from Smith, and two for the second.

“I will not be lectured to by Labor,” MickMack paddy whacked. He should have bowled the Biloela family questions over to bleeding heart Immigration Minister Alex Hawke.

“The Acting Prime Minister has now strayed from the question. He needs to bring himself back to the question. Or wind up the answer,” Smith called down.

“Two for none,” Labor’s backbench tallied.

Mick-clack-front-and-back was so full of infrastructure rhetorical hot air, he was in danger of talking himself up above Australia’s tallest building Q1. But there was no rush to answer questions about the vaccine rollout, which allowed Anthony Albanese to ­try a point of order.

“No, no, your microphone’s off,” Smith interjected, adding: “I give enormous tolerance to the leaders of both parties.”

Albanese replied: “I appreciate that, Mr Speaker.”

Smith snapped back: “I want you to appreciate it more.”

A gleeful Albo then declared: “It’s not possible, Mr Speaker.”

Laughter ensued.

Equally unsuccessful was the intervention by Labor’s Dr Mike Freelander, on Greg Hunt’s relevance. “Unfortunate timing on the point of order as I’d just ruled he’s been relevant up until that point,” Smith ruled, adding. “Unless the member for Macarthur found something particularly offensive about the three words the (Health) Minister got out.”

But wait, there’s more. MickMack tried out a new line: “We are the Medi-friends, over there they are Medi-frauds.”

Barnaby Joyce rested his flushed face in his right hand. Zinger king Bill Shorten smiled, and shook his head.

If only we’d listened to Jim Chalmers. “Michael McCormack is in charge this week, what could possibly go wrong?” the Labor frontbencher foretold.

“What a country. A parliamentary sitting week with Michael McCormack in charge!”