Mathias Cormann performance not part of boom times

Are the Quiet Australians about to kick off the next baby boom? Picture: Glenn Hampson

Prepare your uteruses, ladies! Things are about to get stork raving mad.

“Is the Australian government predicting a new baby boom?” Labor senator Kristina Keneally asked in Senate estimates hearings.

A pregnant pause hung in the air. “I don’t think so, senator,” came the tenuous public servant reply.

According to Keneally, the Morrison government is predicting that Quiet Australians all across the country will soon be turning up the Barry White and turning down the lights.

She pointed to demographic assumptions from this year’s budget that say Australia is set to reach a population of just under 27 million by 2022, delivered by a natural increase in the fertility rate.

That means the number of children born to every woman will increase from 1.74 to 1.9, and stay there for at least a decade.

“What do you know that Australian couples don't know about what's going to happen over the next four years?” Keneally asked Finance Minister Mathias Cormann.

The father of two quickly shrugged off the Peter Costello comparison. Granted, it is hard to imagine the Belgian telling Quiet Australians to “have one for mum, one for dad and one for the country”.

The forecasts say 167,300 babies will be born this year; 177,700 next year; 187,400 in 2021 and 192,200 in 2022. That’s four years of back-to-back record increases.

The last time Australia had this many buns in the oven was during the Gillard government, in 2012.

Apologies in advance to all those who will have to suffer through an increase in “ice, ice, baby” jokes on Instagram and invites to gender-reveal parties.

“Will you stake your reputation on it,” Keneally asked, “that the Australian people are going to get so busy over the next four years we’re going to have a baby boom of historic proportions?”

“Ho ho ho, ho ho ho!” Cormann replied. “We will continue to work to ensure that we outperform our forecasted projections with actual performance.”

No pun intended, we presume.

“It’s not your performance I’m asking about, minister,” Keneally said through giggles.

She then turned to the other women in the room and asked: “Anyone here want to volunteer to have another baby, help out?”

That may have been vaginal hubris from Keneally but Labor is doing its part to populate Team Australia.

Lisa Chesters, the member for Bendigo, is expecting her first child within weeks. Thursday could be her last sitting day, as she expects to start maternity leave next month.

Labor’s early childhood spokeswoman, Amanda Rishworth, has just returned to the frontbench after giving birth to son Oscar in July. Backbenchers Josh Burns, Anika Wells, Patrick Gorman and Kate Thwaites all have kids under two.

It’s not just Labor. The stork’s a regular visitor to Education Minister Dan Tehan’s family. He’s one of six and has five of his own.

But the population prize is shared by Labor’s Mike Freelander and Liberal John McVeigh — who each have six kids.

“In hindsight, I really should have asked @Mathias Cormann if he was recommending that we all just lie there & think of the Budget,” Keneally tweeted later.