Double, double, a foil but no trouble

Barnaby Joyce walks past a screen showing Scott Morrison appearing via video link during Question Time.

“It’ll be surreal,” Michael McCormack mused as he entered the chamber, alongside ally Damian Drum, for one last rodeo.

With the Prime Minister locked up The Lodge and the Governor-General out of town, the new (old) deputy prime minister won’t be officially sworn into office until 8am on Tuesday. So, before we could go back to the future for Barnaby Joyce’s second coming, MickMack once again assumed the position.

“We’re dealing with a Schrodinger’s deputy prime minister situation in question time today,” Labor MP Tim Watts theorised. You know what they say … when the cat’s away, the mice will play.

As the clock struck 2pm, Scott Morrison appeared on screen in what looked like a proof of life video. Flanked by two flags, he was summoned to answer an obvious probe from Labor: “Who is the Deputy Prime Minister of Australia?”

“The member for Riverina is currently the Deputy Prime Minister of Australia,” the PM tried to explain about the “tremendous bloke”.

Despite being only 800m away, the country’s top tech cables weren’t able to sync the PM’s visuals and audio. The chamber was treated to two minutes of muted audio before Anthony Albanese interrupted.

“If you can hear a word the Prime Minister is saying, you are better than me,” the Opposition Leader complained. Speaker Tony Smith sassed back: “OK, Well, I am. I’m sorry about that.”

The Nationals sat stony-faced as their outgoing leader answered Dorothy Dixer after Dorothy Dixer about how there had never been a more exciting time for the Abbott-Truss-Turbull-Truss-Turnbull-McCormack-Morrison-McCormack-Morrison-Joyce government.

“It’s been a tough day for me, but I’ve still got a job,” MickMack quipped. Like John Farnham on his farewell tour, he offered up all the greatest hits: “We will go on serving Australians who have mice ravaging their farms.”

“What about the rats in your party?” Labor MP Rob Mitchell heckled. All smiles, MickMack provided a tongue-in-cheek Covid update more painful than an AstraZeneca shot. “I have numbers to read to the house. Numbers have not been my friend today.” Ouch!

His final turn continued, with a mention of his late father Lance. “I am proud that I sit on the side of government … that is investing considerably in GPS technology, such that my father wouldn’t have had to rely on me going all over the paddock when I was driving the tractor, just probably to get out of a job, but these days they steer themselves.”

“Do they?” Greg Hunt leaned over to ask David Littleproud. The deputy Nationals leader replied in the affirmative.

Michael McCormack and Josh Frydenberg leave Question Time yesterday. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Martin Ollman

Inspired, the Health Minister attempted to offer MickMack some support by referencing his “friend the Deputy Prime Minister”. “Which one?” Labor bellowed from the backbench.

Joyce spent most of the hour with his flushed face in his hands or in quiet counsel with his cabal of George Christensen and David Gillespie. The deputy prime minister-elect only popped his head up to offer this ominous prediction to the opposition: “You’re next, Albo, you’re next.”

A sentiment Speaker Smith agreed with as he rebuked the Opposition Leader for calling MickMack the “current” Deputy PM. “People have a position,” Smith said. “There is no ‘current’, otherwise it flows both ways.”

The Deputy Prime Minister ended the day as he started it, by quoting Doris Day: “I move that further questions be placed on the notice paper. Que sera, sera,” he said as the chamber broke into a spontaneous standing ovation.

He offered one final wave to the cameras, before patting Josh Frydenberg on the back and going gently into that good night.