Daryl Maguire: A Daryl by any other name

Daryl Maguire arrives at ICAC on Friday. Picture: Dylan Robinson

Sit back for a moment and ponder the following: when has there ever been a more conspicuous Daryl than Daryl Maguire?

Not that he was a household name before the ICAC. He was a middle level MP who came to grief, forced from his parliamentary positions and later the parliament in 2018 which led to a disastrous by election for the government.

Let me start by saying, there’s nothing wrong with being a Daryl. Indeed, I would argue that Daryls are the backbone of this country, quietly going about their business, sitting somewhere down on the big blocks of the Australian male nomenclatural hierarchy between Trevors and Gavins.

Daryls by nature go unrecognised, undiscovered, almost anonymous. They also tend to be clumsy and for Daryl Maguire this was born out when in 2018 he told his business associate, Maggie Wang, there had been “an unfortunate accident where my (four mobile) phones and iPad have been run over by a tractor.” What are the odds?

A bit ungainly with communications devices but hell on wheels on a Kubota. That’s got Daryl written all over it.

I’ve spent much of the last week staring into the sun until I got those spots and lines in front of my eyes, what I call the poor man’s hallucinogens, to go through my list of Daryls.

Darryl Strawberry – MLB slugger and right field with the Mets, the Yankees, the Giants and the Dodgers but barely raised a titter here. Daryl Halligan — Bulldog, no. Daryl Oates – purveyor of sickening elevator music, Daryl Somers – I can barely remember him. Befriended a duck or something. Daryl Hannah – all right. She’s OK.

My point is there’s never been a memorable bloke named Daryl in the history of Western Civilisation.

The judgment of the otherwise impeccable premier of NSW, Gladys Berejiklian was held up to the light this week when she confessed in the ICAC to having a five-year relationship not just with a Daryl but this Daryl who was a definitive Daryl in almost every sense – a short, fat, bald man. Not just that but this Daryl was a fat, short, bald man named Daryl from Wagga. In fact, a short, fat, bald man who was an MP from Wagga at the time. Or I should say Wagga Wagga. Never call Wagga Wagga Wagga. It’s a huge faux pas round Wagga parts.

And we could go on with that alliterative joke all day until we discover that the short, fat, bald bloke was born and bred in Hay. Perhaps it was this fact that escalated the leadership crisis within the NSW Liberal Party earlier in the week.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian. Picture: Jeremy Piper

A short, fat, bald, man named Daryl from Wagga Wagga, might have been a pass. But a short, fat, bald man from Hay was an entirely different kettle of fish.

As far as I can tell Premier Berejiklian has done nothing to warrant any adverse findings in the ICAC but her public humiliation was complete. At the pointy end of public service, affairs are a fact of life and for a single woman to engage in them is really none of our business unless it transpires the affair has been with a short, fat, bald, man named Daryl from Hay and then all hell breaks loose or at least that seems to be what the ICAC had planned.

When the short, fat, bald, man named Daryl from Hay first clambered into the witness box, his only apparent nod to ethics was to frown on a line of questioning about a ‘pop in’ where Daryl invited property developer Joe Alha to join him on the possibility they would bump into ministers and even the Premier if they hung around parliament long enough with a glass of vin rouge in hand.

“Did he have his glass of red?” Counsel assisting inquired of Daryl from Hay.

“I wouldn’t allow anyone to walk around Parliament with a glass of red,” Mr Maguire responded.

There are rules and then there are RULES, apparently.

The relationship between short, fat, bald Daryl from Hay and the premier is over. The Premier confirmed this earlier in the week.

Daryl Maguire on his second day of testimony at ICAC.

When asked if he considered the “close personal relationship” with the Premier, to be on the boil, Daryl replied: “Not after the events of this (ICAC hearing), I wouldn’t be.” Well, duh Daryl.

Aside from the possible enticement of greed and a reported debt of $1.5 million Daryl from Hay was keen to pay off before his parliamentary career came to a halt, I think the Daryl from Hay thought he could break the shackles of Daryl-ness and make his mark in the world. He wanted to be a Daryl you could hang your hat on.

Maybe that’s why our Daryl from Hay set up the card table in his parliamentary office and got busy with a strict cash only no refunds policy.

Some people might think he showed the sort of get up and go that gave the great state of New South Wales the Rum Corps and Sir Robert Askin.

Or another way of looking at it is, it might be allegedly the worst corruption in public office in New South Wales since the last one –

probably Eddie Obeid and let’s not forget Milton Orkopolous.

This Daryl has done it not just for himself but for Daryls everywhere. And in this respect and possibly this respect only he has nailed his credential as an outstanding Daryl to the mast.

A short, fat, bald man from Hay named Daryl has broken the Daryl ceiling forever.

Job well done, Dazzer. Sorry, Daryl.