Crossbench Craig Kelly’s hue-bris expands rainbow coalition

Craig Kelly in his Parliament House office on Tuesday. Picture: Gary Ramage

Ex-furniture salesman Craig Kelly has consciously uncoupled from the Liberal Party to spend more time with his Facebook page. Well, when the social media giant lifts his one week ban for spreading COVID conspiracy theories, that is.

“First Daft Punk, now Craig Kelly and the Liberals. When will these breakups end,” ABC election guru Antony Green tweeted. No more getting lucky for the member for Hughes (aka prime ministers stepping in to save his preselection).

It’s with a heavy heart that Kelly also bid adieu to his seat on the science committee to speak more freely about his love of debunked head lice lotion Ivermectin. “There’s posting through it, and then there’s putting your posting before your membership of the Liberal partyroom,” Labor MP Tim Watts noted. “That’s real commitment.”

Scott Morrison walked out as Kelly explained his decision to the House of Representatives from his new seat. The Prime Minister had been informed earlier via snail mail. “Since the historic against the odds election win in 2019, you have given many inspiring speeches in the partyroom using sporting analogies,” Kelly wrote. “The one that sticks in my mind the most is about New Zealand’s America’s Cup defence, where the only relevant consideration … was ‘Does that make the boat go faster?’ I acknowledge that some of my conduct over recent months has not helped the boat go faster.”

Morrison should have vaccinated the backbencher when he had the chance! What a missed opportunity to solve two problems with one JabSeeker — herd immunity for everyone on the (slightly) increased dole and an employer dob-in line for anti-vaxxers.

Bob Katter came by for a natter after Kelly’s defection. The Queenslander offered congratulations on the move to the crossbench, which is now so colourful it’s practically a rainbow — Kelly, hat lover Katter, Greens leader Adam Bandt, former skier Zali Steggall and jam junkie Helen Haines.

Barnaby Joyce also appeared at Kelly’s door encouraging him to throw on a Nationals akubra. If they can’t topple Michael McCormack, perhaps they’ll start a new party! Weatherboard and Iron, representing Quiet Australians from Tamworth to the Sutherland Shire.

He’s got many options. One Nation senator Malcolm Roberts has reached out. Or he could follow podcast pal Pete Evans and run with the Great Australia Party, led by booted One Nation senator Rodney Culleton.

And here Anthony Albanese was expecting his bicep would make the headlines. The Labor leader told caucus the original plan was for ScoMo, Albo and Banto to get the prick together. He found out on Sunday morning’s Insiders that wasn’t the case. “There is nothing this bloke won’t micromanage,” Albo complained to colleagues. Sad!

“Today the member for Hughes has done what the prime minister didn’t have the courage to do and sacked himself from the Liberal party...” @Bowenchrispic.twitter.com/PhyCHYIceW

— Alice Workman (@workmanalice) February 23, 2021