Anthony Albanese cops a beating … and then comes out swinging

‘I’m good at tennis’: Anthony Albanese gets thrashed by Peta Murphy on the Parliament House squash court.

Anthony Albanese started his day with a trouncing on the Parliament House squash court, handed to him by a member of his own backbench.

He faced off against Peta Murphy, new Labor member for the Victorian seat of Dunkley and squash enthusiast, who ­implored the nation in her first speech to “stop laughing at my sport”. Alban­ese’s performance on the courts was so bad, the official line that came through from Labor read: “Squash was the winner.”

“We didn’t keep score,” Alban­ese told The Australian. “And that’s a good thing because Peta is really good … and as a squash player­ I’m good at tennis.”

Squash has a rather bloody place in Australia’s political history. Its first mention in Hansard came during debate on the 1962 budget after Billy Snedden, the member for Bruce and ­future Libera­l leader, was rendered particularly nasal after an injury sustained from a minister on the Old Parliament House court.

“I am very glad the honourable member for Bruce is not like the Americans who speak through their noses,” Labor’s Lionel Clay, the member for St George, told the chamber. “I understand that he is in considerable anguish … as a result­ of a blow sustained yesterday while he was playing squash.’’

Just like with Albanese, whether Snedden won or lost was not record­ed for posterity.

But the 2019 Labor leader at least avoided more injury, having­ just recovered from a dislocated left pinky sustained in an Aussie rules charity match in August.

And the morning loss didn’t get him down. Albo was revved up and came out swinging his own big stick in question time. He began by interrupting Liberal back­bencher Tim Wilson’s rant about the “Marxist member for Melbourne”, aka acting Greens leader Adam Bandt (who is replacing Richard Di Natale in the top job while he undergoes a knee replacement­).

“It’s in everyone’s interest to point out that it’s two o’clock,” Albanes­e told Speaker Tony Smith, to sighs of relief.

As Labor threw out questions about the “floundering” (not found­ering) economy, Albanese and opposition members also began work on their strategy to burr up Scott Morrison and release “Shouty Scott’’.

But the Prime Minister took inspiration from the motherland to keep calm and carry on. “Our government was re-elect­ed on the virtue of being calm and stable … our policy is to maintain the discipline, to keep our heads, to be cool and calm in the face of uncertaint­y,” Morrison told the chamber.

Well, for the most part. “The Treasurer said a moment ago that drought funding was the No 1 call on the budget. That’s not true, is it?” Labor frontbencher Jim Chalmers asked.

“Mr Speaker, it is true, thank you,” Josh Frydenberg replied.

“No, it’s not!” Albanese heckled as a minute-long volley ensued across the dispatch box.

The PM started pointing his finger; first across at the Opposition Leader insisting that “it is true”, then up, to indicate drought was “No 1”.

After a minute, the finger was holstered and Albanese turned to face his frontbench with a grin, ­finally having hit a winner.