How to get ahead in politics the George Costanza way

Here are 10 missteps Scott Morrison could have avoided if only he’d adopted the George Costanza approach.

Illustration: Eric Lobbecke

Seinfeld fans will remember the 1994 episode from the fifth season titled The Opposite. The character George Costanza realises that life hasn’t worked out the way he would have liked.

“Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive … It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life has been wrong.”

He decides to do something about it. After Jerry points out that “if every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right”, George starts ­ignoring his natural thoughts, always doing the opposite instead. It works. He meets a beautiful girl, lands a new job and completely turns his life around.

Back when Julia Gillard’s prime ministership was on life support, I wrote that she might need to adopt the Costanza approach. Perhaps Scott Morrison should do the same now because in a remarkably short time he has lined up a long list of mistakes. No one could accuse the Prime Minister of presiding over improved polling.

Here are 10 missteps in the short time Morrison has been in the job that could have been avoided if only he had adopted the Costanza approach and done the opposite of his political instincts.

The PM would do well to borrow from the George Costanza playbook.

1. It started just days before taking over from Malcolm Turnbull. Standing in the prime ministerial courtyard, asked whether he had any ambitions to lead the Liberal Party, Morrison threw his arm around Turnbull and declared he was ambitious for his boss. Presumably the journalist asking the question had heard the same things I had: that Morrison and his lieutenants had been canvassing with colleagues whether he could come through the middle as a ­viable third candidate. It wasn’t a good look in retrospect.

2. Very early on as Prime Minister, Morrison decided it might be a good idea to start a debate about moving the Australian embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. The storm of controversy that followed — international condemnation and threats from Indonesia to scuttle free trade talks — distracted voters in the days before voters in Wentworth went to the polls. The Liberals lost the seat, and Morrison was left to patch up a mess of his own making.

3. Speaking of Wentworth, the Prime Minister decided to weigh in on the party preselection and call for a woman to represent the Liberal Party. Only he did so after nominations had closed, and he didn’t do it publicly, which meant his support wasn’t able to attract better candidates. And a man won preselection anyway, leaving Morrison to pose for the cameras rather awkwardly with someone he’d effectively tried to prevent from winning the preselection.

4. Social media can be dangerous for all of us, but a religiously conservative prime minister probably shouldn’t post rap music by Fatman Scoop to play over video of his parliamentary team without first contemplating where the rap lyrics might go. Into obscene territory was the answer, which is why the video was removed and an apology was issued.

5. When calibrating his frontbench, Morrison decided to return close mate and political ally Stuart Robert. But, shortly after, the returned minister (who previously had been forced to resign) was again immersed in controv­ersy, including having to pay back an internet bill in the tens of thousands. If Morrison had done the opposite he would have been able to accommodate new talent and avoided an unnecessary controversy distracting the government.

6. Deciding not to speak out early during the religious freedom debate and defend children and teachers from discrimination left Morrison looking out of touch. It also offended many of his moderate colleagues, weakening him internally. It played into Labor criticisms that the new PM was too busy placating the hard Right in his party to appeal to the political mainstream.

7. Speaking of which, Morrison intervened to save maverick backbencher Craig Kelly from a pre­selection threat and in the process (to make it look as if he weren’t intervening specifically to save Kelly) he ensured that all sitting MPs in NSW were renominated. The same thing had happened in Victoria. However, it’s pretty hard to then claim you are taking serious steps to address the problem of so few female MPs when a prime minister intervenes to ensure all those blokes get automatically preselected without a democratic process.

8. Turnbull made the mistake of dumping the national energy guarantee, but when Morrison had the chance to bring it back he squibbed it, and in effect he now will go into the election campaign without a serious policy for addressing carbon emissions. Not reviving the NEG also put a wedge between Morrison and his new party deputy, Josh Frydenberg, who as environment and energy minister had crafted the policy.

9. Refusing to engage with questions from Labor as to why Morrison was Prime Minister and why Turnbull was gone kept the issue alive. Labor exploited the non-answers, continuing to ask the question, and it didn’t take long before journalists started doing the same. Morrison should have done the opposite and provided a detailed explanation early to avoid the wound continuing to bleed.

10. Finally, we all know that Morrison created a hard-man image for himself as immigration minister stopping the boats, which raises the question: why did he feel the need to suddenly shift from that to goofy Aussie bloke, putting an upturned empty beer glass on his head after a skol? It’s all part of his attempt to look like an ordinary knockabout bloke. As one of his colleagues told me: “I’m not looking for a new friend, certainly not in my PM. I just want a competent leader.” The ex-marketing man should have known better.

We haven’t traversed all the missteps since August last year, and we don’t want to be unfair and blame Morrison for things he has blamed his department for, such as the Photoshopped white sneakers on his Christmas card photo.

Equally, missteps such as the appointment of his former chief of staff to the independent position of Treasury secretary or opposing the banking royal commission for so long aren’t mistakes made during his time as Prime Minister.

The remarkable thing about the list above is the short time ­frame in which it has accumulated. Morrison hasn’t even been Prime Minister for five months. If he loses in May he will be one of the country’s shortest serving prime ministers, which perhaps adds one more moment where Morrison might have been better off living by the Costanza creed.

As the then treasurer was contemplating his tilt for the leadership, I wonder if he thought he could bring his talents to bear and lift the party in the polls; to unite his team into a winning outfit in time to face the voters. If that was his thinking, and we’ll see what happens on election day, perhaps Morrison should have done the opposite and kept his powder dry.

Peter van Onselen is a professor of politics at the University of Western Australia and Griffith University.