Chewing the fat over party plans

Last Saturday, to appease an interstate house guest, our group had lunch at a popular vegan joint in Fitzroy, Melbourne.

The menu featured a portrait of a cheerful-looking woman with a black moustache flexing her biceps. It was headed by the daily special, an “Invasion Day cocktail”, made with tomato juice — blood red. Below, the “rules of engagement” were outlined for diners, the last one being “no jerks”.

We came into sporadic contact with our wait staff, a slovenly-looking collective of tattooed grumps. When these curious people weren’t glaring at us so fiercely that we feared for our safety, they made a frustrating game of eluding us so that we couldn’t be served.

We dutifully consumed a variety of “share plates”, which came in no particular order, and were just hurled down on the table intermittently. Individually, the food was fine, but none of it went together in any way, meaning the sum of it did not make a cohesive, complementary and filling meal. The bill came to quite an amount and, our stomachs roiling with indigestion, we made a hasty retreat, resolving to eat at home for the rest of the weekend.

Monday found us aproned up in the kitchen, waving implements and pretending to be great chefs, speaking in hushed tones of great recipes by “Saint Nigella”. The table was set and, after a bit of champagne, the event was named “The Australia Day Fatty Fat lunch, with high cholesterol”.

We ate heaped plates of slow-cooked beef ribs slathered with American BBQ sauce, along with thrice-cooked potatoes in duck fat, coleslaw with creamy dressing, and corn, sliced from the cob and fried in sweet chilli sauce. Towards the end of the meal, discussion turned to politics, and who we should vote for this year.

One person said that they wanted to vote Labor, but couldn’t, because Labor hates people who create wealth. Another said they wanted to vote for the Coalition, but couldn’t, because the Liberals hate women and gays. These statements are generalisations, and perhaps even untrue, but politics is about perception, and so here we have distilled down, in simple terms, some key issues facing the major parties.

The next morning, the latest polls were announced and our Prime Minister shot out of the blocks with a bang. He saturated the media, getting his cheerful mug right into everyone’s faces with a series of blunt statements that really cut through.

Australians, Scott Morrison said, will have to choose; we must choose which type of economy we want to live in. On one hand, we can live in a strong economy, with smaller government, lower taxes, and more jobs, under a Coalition government. On the other hand, we can live in a weak economy with few jobs, bigger government, higher taxes, and militant unions, under Labor.

The PM said “our economy cannot be taken for granted, that the economy is real, its impacts are real and, most importantly, it’s all about people”. Without a strong economy, things such as lifesaving drugs and Medicare cannot be funded.

When Labor responded by labelling it a typical scare campaign, Morrison shot back. This was no scare, he said, Labor ia going to increase taxes, and that is just a fact.

It is, indeed, a fact that Labor plans to increase taxes dramatically over the next decade. The party has been open about it and is totally unrepentant when faced with examples of how ordinary people will lose out. Labor believes that increasing taxes will grow the economy, but in an inclusive way, and that the way we grow businesses is by making unions and employers sit down around the table and bargain for better pay rises and conditions of employment.

Morrison is capable of taking every single Labor nonsense apart in front of the country. He is equipped to demolish its woolly-headed ideas about how we make money, prosper and grow. Labor’s plans for high taxes are toxic and, if exposed correctly, are doomed to fail.

Where Morrison could fall down is in the area of inclusion and diversity. Yes, these words cause many to roll their eyes, but here is the reality: the PM must convince the country that he is a better economic manager than Bill Shorten, and that he cares about all of the people out there who are not made in his mould — straight, married conservative men of religious faith.

The election outcome is not predetermined. The Coalition doesn’t have to lose, and Labor — although you would think it has won already — is not guaranteed to win. The party that will govern is the party that will convince key groups of the community that it doesn’t bear ill will towards them. The party that will govern is the party that unites the country and governs responsibly for all.

If the ALP wants to win, it will have to overturn the perception that it dislikes wealth creators and those who wish to achieve financial independence. If the Coalition wants to win, it will have to overturn the perception that it dislikes women and members of the queer community.

Morrison had better get together a bold plan to increase participation of women in the Liberal Party, and he had better attend next month’s Mardi Gras.