Albo in the Land of Oz
Once a darling of alphabet activists, the Prime Minister’s botched handling of the 2026 census has turned his rainbow dreams into a political nightmare.
To paraphrase the late Judy Garland’s character from The Wizard of Oz, Anthony Albanese is somewhat over the rainbow. Having angered LGBTIQ+ activists with his botched handling of new questions regarding gender and sexuality in the 2026 census, he now finds himself persona non grata in Paddington.
This cannot be good for his state of mind. Like the noisy minorities he constantly indulges, the Prime Minister loves to frolic in a safe space, his favourite one being the inner-city suburbs of Sydney. Hardly a year goes by without a beaming Albanese prancing along Oxford Street in Sydney’s Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.
Last year he became the first prime minister to march in that parade. “It was awesome,” Albanese later told Triple M Melbourne (another safe space). “There’s very little chance as a politician to walk along any street in Australia and be cheered by 200,000 people.” But sadly, the adulation Albanese craves is drying up. LGBTIQ+ campaigners have demanded he be banned from marching in further parades.
The alphabet activists are a minority in more ways than one. Until a few days ago, they were members of the tiniest minority in this country, that being Australians who believe Albanese is a man of his word. They had also believed the demise of the Morrison government meant the realisation of rainbow heaven.
“Australia under Scott Morrison didn’t feel like a very safe place for LGBTIQ+ people,” wrote Monash University law professor Paula Gerber in June 2022, claiming the Coalition had a “heteronormative, cisgender vision of Australia”.
But would the Albanese government change this? “The answer appears to be a resounding ‘yes’,” said Gerber, praising Labor’s promise to include LGBTIQ+ questions in the 2026 census. “Collecting data about diversity in sexual orientation, gender identity and intersex status provides LGBTIQ+ people with a sense they’re seen and included,” she said.
What followed was comedic irony. Announcing in February last year the first phase of public consultations for the 2026 census, the well-meaning but maladroit Dr Andrew Leigh, Assistant Minister for Competition, Charities and Treasury, was spruiking a progressive headcount.
“I’d be very surprised if the 2026 census looks exactly the same as the 2021 census,” he told ABC Radio. Speaking to Joy Media three weeks later, he had a similar message.
“Have your say, it’s really important we have that Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) process running through at arm’s length from government,” he told Joy Media. Asked whether the revised census would reflect LGBTIQ+ submissions, Leigh stressed the government’s openness to change by dissing its predecessor.
“The former government just came through and just kyboshed any attempt to modernise the way in which sex and gender are asked about in the census,” he said.
This was to be Leigh’s pet project. Not only is the ABS’s head office is in his electorate but also, as we know from the voice referendum, the ACT is an exemplar of minority rectitude. And at first this process went smoothly. The ABS had scheduled a press conference last Monday week to brief journalists on the results of testing.
But that was abruptly cancelled last Sunday week, when Leigh quietly announced in a brief release the government had decided there would be “no change to the topics in the next census”. I believe the word you are looking for is “kyboshed”, Andrew Leigh.
Not surprisingly, Canberra’s bien pensants went postal. As the Sydney Morning Herald reported, the ACT Labor Party’s left faction wanted to haul Leigh before a disciplinary tribunal for breaching the party’s policy platform.
The decision to can the changes was of course not Leigh’s, but nonetheless he is an ideal patsy (such is the political munchkin’s lot, sadly). It was not until three days after Leigh’s announcement that a cabinet member spoke publicly about the issue. Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles’s claim the government had made the decision because it wanted to avoid “divisive” debates was, to say the least, unconvincing.
The subsequent revolt by government backbenchers and Assistant Health Minister Ged Kearney had little to do with their vocal public concerns about “excluding” LGBTIQ+ people from the census. Rather, they worry about being excluded from the big house on the hill.
Kearney, like fellow Melbourne-based Labor MPs Josh Burns, Peter Khalil, and Michelle Ananda-Rajah, dreads the next election. They have recurring nightmares of being stalked by a green-skinned harpy that screams, “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!” None of them wants to share the electoral fate of former federal Labor frontbencher Terri Butler or former Queensland deputy premier Jackie Trad.
Last Friday Albanese capitulated, telling ABC Radio the ABS would test one new question, that concerning sexual orientation. Asked why he had backed down, he was true to form. “No, this is the first time I have been asked about it,” he claimed. The charade continued the next day at Rockhampton when Albanese was asked by a journalist what had prompted his backflip.
“Nothing has changed,” insisted Albanese.
That must have been news to many, particularly ABS head honcho Dr David Gruen. Five days before that press conference, he announced that testing of the proposed new questions would not proceed, saying, “The Test would have included topics that the Government has now decided will not be in the 2026 Census”.
No doubt Gruen is feeling exasperated over Albanese’s vacillating. Preparing a census for 26 million respondents, especially one that includes new questions, is a complex process. Gruen probably wishes he was instead testing a straightforward question. You know, something like “Do you think a talking apple tree would make a better prime minister than the incumbent?”
A suggestion for Albanese – next time you are asked why it took you so long to front the media over this debacle, just reply that you and your ministers were abducted by winged monkeys. Far-fetched as it is, that would be more believable than the answers you have given.
Incidentally, were you wondering what part Albanese plays in this magical faraway land where he and his ministers spend so much of their time? I thought at first he would be ideal as the ruler of Oz who is ultimately revealed to be a charlatan. But that would not work as the faux wizard was at least pulling the levers behind the scenes, and as we all know, that is definitely not Albo.
My next thought was the Scarecrow without a brain. Yes, that is a possibility. The Lion who blusters and roars but is really a blubbering coward? Now that has potential. But in the end I decided Albanese should be the last of Dorothy’s companions – the Tin Man without a ticker.
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