Rules of the game

THERE are many ways of breaking a heart," author Pearl S. Buck said.

THERE are many ways of breaking a heart," author Pearl S. Buck said.

"Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be." Yes, I've seen it, in men who've slipped through the cracks, and in women whose life has calcified around them to the point where they seem almost erased from their former, vivid selves. It makes me think of Judith Wright's viciously melancholic lament of late afternoon, about Australian woman of a certain age: "This is the hour when women hear their lives go ticking by." Imagine, the stillness in that.

Catherine Brenner is another breed of Aussie woman entirely. A former corporate lawyer with a background in finance, she's a non-executive board member of the likes of Coca-Cola Amatil, Boral and AMP, and she wants to give back by helping younger generations of Australian women get ahead. Live their dreams. Particularly within a professional environment. "There are rules of the game that no one ever tells you. Men intuitively know them. Women have to learn them."

Women have to support each other more. (Germaine, are you listening? It means not commenting sourly on another woman's dress sense in public. It's just ... belittling.

For you.) For Brenner, it's about not undermining other women, even inadvertently. "If a female colleague's running late, don't say, 'She's stuck on the school run.' You don't have to explain. Men don't want to hear it." Her message: be professional; keep the domestic and work worlds separate.

Call bad behaviour - and good. "If guys in the workplace are talking about a female colleague in a certain way, pull them up. It can be a light-hearted response, but let them know it's not on. Likewise, if another woman's doing well, let that be known too. Women can be incredibly reluctant to acknowledge strong performances by other women."

Help other women, but also yourself. "Communicate up, but not about the personal. Men are good at giving updates, letting others know what they've done and achieved. It could be just a sentence in passing, but women are often reluctant to do even this." Yes, because we like a quieter, humbler style; we assume others will notice - when they don't, necessarily. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Be alive to opportunity. "You have to have a go. Don't be afraid of failure. Also, toughen up in terms of moving forward. Get over it. Don't remind people of your failings and don't squander opportunities."

Never forget the power of etiquette. "Drop the chairman or boss a thankyou note. Invest in some classy stationery, perhaps with your name on it. Don't just email a CV, print one and send a personal note. It's about distinguishing yourself." I've seen it again and again in my writing career. Aspiring writers want advice, their work read, an in with my literary agent, a puff on their book cover - yet it's fascinating how rarely I get a thank you. I'm extremely busy; all these things take time. Gratitude is noticed, and remembered.

Brenner adds: "Buy a fabulous suit. Not black, grey or navy. Be memorable. Pitch to your advantage." And, "Commit your thoughts to paper. Why you want this. It's marketing; you need to be able to explain clearly and effectively what you bring to the role."

The message is: You shape your life. No one else. This is what it means to be a woman today. So from one inspiring Aussie chick - Ms Brenner - to another. The late, lamented outback queen, Sara Henderson and her philosophy of getting ahead in a man's world: "All the strength you need to achieve anything is within you. Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel; stride down there ... and light the bloody thing yourself."

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