QAnon: where does the conspiracy go to from here?
Not to be confused with Q&A, the relatively harmless chat show on Oz politics compered by my relatively harmless ABC colleague Hamish Macdonald, QAnon is the source of much dangerous conspiracy theorising and played a pivotal role in the storming of the US Capitol.
Believing the world is being run by a cabal of Satan-worshipping, cannibalistic paedophiles from whom only Donald Trump can save us, many QAnoners were disappointed when one of the cult’s more apocalyptic prophesies, “the Storm” that would bring down the cabal and all of Trump’s enemies in one cataclysmic coup, failed to eventuate on that hectic day. They are now looking for a new direction. Which this column, on this very day, will provide.
This is not the first time I have come to the aid of raving ratbags. You already know about my creation DENSA, an alternative to MENSA with membership only open to those monumentally stupid above and beyond the call of duty. Now, to help with those unsatisfied with QAnon, I unveil XRay, the cult that will see right through all official obfuscation and fake news to descend even deeper into delusion than QAnon. XRay shall, to use popular jargon, both weaponise and monetise madness. I’m applying to have it registered alongside Hillsong and Scientology as a religion, which will make it both tax-free and a good little earner. And whereas Scientology uses a variation of the lie detector – known as the E-meter – to “audit” its recruits, we shall use the army surplus X-ray machines I bought on eBay.
Here is a random sample of the nutty ideas available in return for a tithe of your income. Bigger contributions get even better revelations:
1. Trump may have been robbed of his second term but he remains the Second Coming.
2. Not only did the Moon landing not occur, but the Moon itself is a hoax.
3. 9/11 was also a hoax and was carried out
by the Lizard People.
4. John F. Kennedy is alive and well and living in witness protection with Elvis.
5. 5G technology causes, among other ills, dandruff and erectile dysfunction.
6. The coronavirus, created by George
Soros and Bill Gates, fills your brain with nano-engineered drones.
7. Climate change is manufactured in a laboratory in Wuhan to destroy the
Western economy.
8. I’d think up more conspiracy theories about hydroxychlorowhatsit but can’t spell it.
9. Australia’s bushfires were caused by a Jewish laser-beam.
As you can see I’m running out of ideas – I pinched the last one from QAnon and DENSA member Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Republican congresswoman from Georgia.
OK, I admit it. I need help. Tell you what, you help with the nutty ideas and I’ll pay you in Qantas FFPs (got a heap I can’t spend). And don’t be afraid to be OTT. The OTTer the better – the more certain to attract ardent followers. QAnon is not alone in demonstrating that. Think Shirley MacLaine and all her past lives. Flying saucers. Fairies. The Bermuda Triangle. Terra Nullius. Aliens building the Pyramids. Trump’s Birther Movement.
I suggest you limber up your synapses and loosen your neurons by taking mescalin and LSD, reading Alice in Wonderland, listening to old Goon Show episodes, watching vintage Monty Python. Or subscribe to Pete Evans’ podcasts and follow George Christensen on Facebook. Or all of the above. It works for me.
PS. An Australian QAnoner claims a strong influence on Prime Minister Scott Morrison. How OTT is that!