Are you a screen addict? How to tell if your device is controlling you

Here’s how to tell if your device is controlling you - and what to do about it.

Clinical psychologist David Gilfillan says we are getting more removed from intimacy as a result of screen distractions.

It was an interesting realisation. I was sitting with a leading businessman over dinner, and kept feeling the gentle buzz on my wrist. Every few seconds I would glance down at my lap discreetly and look at the time. But it wasn’t really the time I was looking at. I was waiting for my daughter to text.

Yes, I’m the proud owner of an Apple Watch. Although it has its limitations, the feeling of being gently buzzed is an exquisite new luxury. Bing when you need to stand up; bing bong when you make a wrong turn; Zzzz when someone emails, messages or texts. A quick lift or tap tells you whether it’s worth reaching for your iPhone and disturbing the conversation or not.

But somewhere in the middle of the 100th lift/tap I realised the degree to which I’d become a device addict. The new watch was supposed to stop me reaching for the mobile phone when in company — I think that is rude and intrusive. But the habit is now 10 times worse than before. My eyes are never off the watch. At the chiropractor the other day, face up, I managed to read my watch despite the excruciating pain I was in. I ­became too distracted to move my body when I was asked to. He got angry. “Oh, please don’t let me disturb you!”

I have FOBO (Fear of Being Offline). A new disorder where we get withdrawals, panic attacks and fear at the thought of going without a hit.

People have become obsessed with their smartphones to the point of addiction.

I would also like to put forward my own disorder: FOBON (Fear of Being Online), due to a sense of loss of control I have when ­obsessed with my device. I’m more frightened on it than off because when tweeting or sending/reading messages, I find myself distracted from life and I miss crucial points in movie plots or conversations. Recently I was at a picnic having a fantastic time. I glanced at my Apple Watch and became glum because of an upsetting email. Everyone asked what was wrong. I said “nothing”, then drank too much.

My dinner partner, Allan Platcher, founder of APA management services and former financial officer of large multinational firms such as Unilever and Transfield, says, “The ­moment I look at my messages and emails, I go off somewhere and can’t come back. I have to turn off my mobile phone for dedicated periods each day to get work done or even drive because I end up down the wrong streets.”

As he speaks, my hands get sweaty. Turn it off? You mean Off-OFF? For how long?

Recent research by an Iowa university reveals people feel “worried and nervous” when they can’t communicate instantly and feel “scared” about running out of batteries. A Gallup poll confirmed that 81 per cent of people keep their smartphones with them ­almost all the time during waking hours and 63 per cent while they are asleep. A whopping 60 per cent check emails regularly while on holidays. Then there’s me with it strapped to my body like a booby trap.

The phenomenon has become so prevalent there is a new breed of corporate life coach and adviser popping up to help. There are also online resources that can help us write texts and emails that don’t cause offence and can attract the right response, because tone of voice cannot be replaced with emojis, research says. There are software products analysing the tone of received emails so your style can mimic theirs (ie, do they prefer point form?).

Meanwhile, last weekend I went out for a Japanese meal. The scene next to me was horrifying: a family — two parents and two kids — all on their mobiles ignoring each other over dinner.

Sydney clinical psychologist David Gilfillan says we are getting more removed from intimacy as phones and devices distract us from the beauty and complexities of life.

But it’s as much an escape as ­alcohol or any other drug.

“It’s a vicious cycle,” Gilfillan says. “People reach for their smartphones because they are bored or lonely but get lonelier because of their phones. They detach from others in order to find connection and forgo hobbies and intimacy. The most pressing problem today is loneliness and mobile technology isn’t helping. God knows where it is all taking us.”

Experts say there is a distinct brain chemical component to this. Dopamine, the chemical of addiction, is at play. Picking up the phone is like pulling a lever. Did I win the jackpot? We are all chasing a hit 24/7 and it’s making us exhausted from chemical overload: no off button, literally.

Larry Rosen, a professor of psychology at California State University, is one of the world’s leading authorities on our relationship with technology. He has written about the subject for three decades, including his 2012 book iDisorder: Understanding our Obsession with Technology and Overcoming Its Hold on Us. He believes our smartphones and devices are causing us to suffer from anxiety disorders such as obsessive compulsive disorder, and says we think we are in control but it’s controlling us. He advises not responding to notifications, instead turning on the phone and checking when it suits us.

It’s affecting our working lives, too. Neuroscientific studies show that mobile devices cause less productivity in the workforce because of the distraction, says Rasmus Hougaard, of international corporate adviser The Potential Project. “Multi-tasking is a myth,” he says. “It’s not good for performance. It’s like having too many browsers open in the brain at the same time.” Hougaard has taught the likes of Sony and GE employees to switch off.

There are worse problems for younger people. Rosen surveyed his students and discovered most unlocked their phone 60 or 70 times a day for an average of about three minutes a time.

Leading the charge to help kids is Susan Greenfield, professor of synaptic pharmacology at Lincoln College, Oxford, who believes the prefrontal cortex, which governs empathy and compassion, needs social nourishment to grow and develop synaptic connections. Social contact includes our observing of facial smiles, sneers, flushes, changing voice tone, and pheromones, the smells we emit that give signals to others. She worries about what will happen to young brains without physical intimacy in communication. She predicts increasing narcissism for us all.

Meanwhile, my heart breaks every time the phone cries like a needy infant and it’s not mine. But as the saying goes, “It took you a long time to fall in love; it will take you a long time to fall out of it.”

@OstrowRuth