I expected this car to be dull. Boy, was I wrong

I expected something as invigorating as an unbuttered piece of white bread with a warm water chaser. But driving it was like discovering that your economy class seat has been upgraded to Private Jet.

The Mercedes Benz CLE Coupe. Picture: Thomas Wielecki

When I saw Springsteen, Van Halen and Clapton live I was exactly as blown away as I thought I would be, but sometimes it is the experiences you don’t expect to excite that are the most memorable.

I attended one of the recent Taylor Swift concerts not because I wanted to take part in a rare monocultural moment, nor because I harbour a secret and shameful love of country music. I just wanted to watch my daughter’s head explode. As such, the level of enjoyment I experienced, and the grudging respect I felt that night for the omnipresent teen whisperer, came as a powerful shock.

Setting out on the launch drive of the new Mercedes-Benz CLE Coupé in what Queenslanders laughably refer to as winter, I was similarly prepared for an entirely vanilla experience. Benz does make great cars but those ones usually have AMG badges and look like angry bouncers. This CLE Coupé, in contrast, is a sylph-like slip of a thing, reeking of style over substance, and with merely a four-cylinder engine. (And what is a CLE Coupé, I hear you clamour? Well, as it sounds, it’s a combination of the C-Class and E-Class Coupés, both of which now cease to exist, but the result is larger and arguably more impressive than either – think of it as combining a Big Mac and a Quarter Pounder to create a Big Pounder, only classier.)

I expected something as invigorating as an unbuttered piece of white bread with a warm water chaser, or an afternoon nap. So to find myself surging up the aptly named Mount Glorious, harrying motorcyclists, slicing through bends and giggling gleefully was like finding a dolphin in your bath tub.

I had chosen the most expensive CLE 300 version, at $124,900, with all-wheel drive, Sports Direct Steering and a hybrid set-up that helps it make a surprisingly lively 190kW and 400Nm. It wasn’t just more fun than it looks, it was like discovering that your economy class seat has been upgraded to Private Jet.

The Mercedes Benz CLE Coupe is a combination of the C-Class and E-Class Coupés, both of which now cease to exist. Picture: Thomas Wielecki

What did, unfortunately, take away from my surprising Benz buzz (I’d ingested several litres of coffee at breakfast, assuming I would need it to stay awake – big mistake) was discovering that Queensland has gone a bit Victorian in the speed-limit department. Wondrous winding roads that would once have been 100km/h zones are now afflicted with signs suggesting 70km/h is more sensible, and it strikes me that a 70 zone is something that shouldn’t exist, like a vegan churrasco restaurant.

Other open country roads, miles from traffic or homes, were similarly restricted with 80km/h limits and I also noted several stupid signs saying things like “Crests can limit visibility”, which will surely soon be joined by more, including: “Opening your eyes helps avoid accidents”, “The brake pedal is on the left” and “Rain is wet”.

It is a constant consternation to me that as cars get safer, speed limits continue to drop, at least in Nanny States (just today someone sent me a photo from Germany where they’d just driven through roadworks where the speed limit had been dropped to 120km/h).

While it is surprisingly sporty on smooth roads, the Mercedes CLE Coupé is not entirely without flaws. While it feels reassuringly solid and planted, if you hit a mid-corner bump that sense of weightiness can catch you out, as you realise you’re not as lissome as you look.

The ride quality is excellent in the 300 variant, which also has some meatiness to its steering, but it feels less so in the entry-level CLE 200 I tried in the afternoon. The 200 also misses out on all-wheel drive, so it’s not quite as gripping, and its steering seems to have been injected with Botox, or maybe Stilnox.

While it is surprisingly sporty on smooth roads, the Mercedes CLE Coupé is not entirely without flaws. Picture: Thomas Wielecki

While it has notionally the same four-cylinder engine, the $103,900 CLE 200’s version is tuned to be less interesting, and is more than a second slower to 100km/h (7.4 seconds versus just 6.2). The difference in price might be only $20k, and they look the same, but the difference in enjoyment is vast.

The noises from the engine and exhaust, or to be more accurate the version of those noises you get when they’re pumped up through the car’s stereo speakers, also made me realise how perfectly prepared I am for the impending world of AI deep fakery.

Thanks to EVs, with their various desperate efforts to turn silence into simulacrums of sportiness, I no longer believe a single thing I hear in new cars to be real. Not even the fake news on the radio. The first time I switched the CLE 300 to Sport and heard it come alive like some metallic, operatic rottweiler, I was impressed for all of a second before giving a head shake and shouting “Fake, fake, fake”, entirely to myself.

Or maybe it was “shake, shake, shake”. I was listening to Taylor Swift at the time. Please don’t tell anyone.

Mercedes-Benz CLE 300 Coupé

ENGINE: 2.0-litre four-cylinder mild hybrid (190kW, 400Nm)

FUEL ECONOMY: 7.4 litres per 100km

TRANSMISSION: Nine-speed automatic, all-wheel drive

PRICE: $124,900

RATING: 4/5