BMW X1 xDrive20i M Sport review
As I’ve said roughly a billion times, I don’t like SUVs. But when BMW gets a car right, it really does tend to nail it.
Comedians, it turns out, are not to be trusted. I have oft repeated the claim of Australia’s own Adam Hills that the Germans have a word – Scheissenbedauern – that means, rather wonderfully, “shit regret”, or the disappointment you feel when something turns out to be less woeful than you expected. This feeling of being robbed of righteous rage is surely familiar to us all; when you actually enjoy a Disney film your kids have pestered you to watch (hello, Frozen), when someone you’re sure you’ll despise turns out to be charming (Queensland league legend Gorden Tallis, for me) or if you’re finally arm-twisted into eating an oyster and it doesn’t taste like sea snot (never going to happen).
It turns out, however, that Scheissenbedauern is not as truly, genuinely wonderful as that other German classic, schadenfreude. Indeed, Google seems sure it is fictional (although not invented by Hills).
As I’ve said roughly a billion times, I don’t like SUVs, I wish I could convince everyone they’re wrong that they need one, and the only thing worse than a big, lumbering, road-blocking SUV is a small one, because they have so little need to exist. Today’s sheep-lemming humans feel they must have a VW Tiguan or a Mazda CX-5, when what they really need is a VW Golf or a Mazda 3.
There’s something even more offensive about buying a BMW X1, because theoretically you choose the Munich brand because you love cars with involving steering and sporty performance. What you really should buy is a 3 Series, or an M3 Wagon, which just might be the greatest family car the world has ever seen. So when I agreed to borrow the X1 for a week I was hugely not looking forward to it, and thus I was bubbling with shit regret when it turned out to be annoyingly enjoyable.
For a start, it looks good, which shouldn’t be possible, with a kind of angular elegance, like someone with an inoffensive pencil beard. It’s also unexpectedly pleasant inside, with just enough room for a young family and a 10.7-inch touchscreen that works so much better than BMW’s old, accursed iDrive mouse system, which has mercifully disappeared. (I was pleasantly infuriated, however, by the Apple CarPlay interface, which barely ever worked without being shouted at.)
It also has a Boost Mode, accessed by holding in the left-hand shift paddle, which gives you a 10-second countdown of Maximum Power and Angriness, like a mechanical road rage. I found this deeply amusing, even if it is a direct copy of what Porsche has been doing for some years.
In terms of how much exciting boostiness can be accessed in the X1, I was, again, a little surprised by how much fun its 2.0-litre, 150kW/300Nm petrol engine was. Use the paddles to change gears yourself and you can genuinely feel a bit of BMW DNA, even if it does take a whole 7.4 seconds to get to 100km/h.
The Sport mode also adds a sense of noisy urgency, like a teenager who is late for a party, while the Efficient mode is dull and the Expressive mode – which offers “impressive visualisation and vibrant lighting events” – left me completely and utterly baffled. To be fair, it did make me quite expressive as I struggled to imagine the kind of person who would enjoy an option that made it look like they’d coughed up stomach acid all over the screen.
What struck me more often in our week together, however, was just how much I was enjoying driving the X1, how good the steering was and just how complete and competent the car was as a whole. Even the ride quality gave off a kind of premium, superior and Germanic feel.
Truly, when BMW gets a car right, it really does tend to nail it.
I have to say, though, there was some very weird advanced tech going on. At one stage I pulled up, all set to perform a flawless reversing manoeuvre, when a stentorian English voice (why wasn’t it given a German accent, I’d like to know) said, “I can see a parking space, would you like me to automatically park in it for you?” No car has spoken to me like that before, ever. I started looking around for a Candid Camera.
Fortunately, at the end of our unexpectedly enjoyable time together, I was able to feel some of the deep disappointment I’d hoped for when I discovered that the xDrive20i M Sport variant of the X1 I had was priced at $73,400, a rather imposing number that does at least get you proper all-wheel drive.
There is a lesser, cheaper 1.5-litre-engined, four-wheel drive version available for $53,900, the X1 sDrive18i, with just 115kW and 230Nm. Buyers of that one, I’m pretty sure, will not suffer from Scheissenbedauern.
BMW X1 xDrive20i M Sport
Engine: 2.0-litre four cylinder (150kW/300Nm)
Fuel Economy: 7.2 litres per 100km
Transmission: 7-speed dual-clutch automatic, all-wheel drive
Price: $73,400
Rating: 4 out of 5
