Modern media etiquette

Social media is a veritable minefield of bad behaviour

IN 2005, I wrote a book on manners which was a mild success - it made the bestseller list for all of a week - but you won't find a hard copy of it in any bookstores today. That, of course, is the nature of book publishing: unless you write a blockbuster, when you're book is sold out, that's it.

Most writers, driven by a mix of ego and royalties, would be disappointed that their reasonably well-received book was no longer readily available. While I am just as driven by pride and money as the next person, I was actually quite relieved when the book was done with it. My book, It's Not Etiquette, was a guide to manners with an emphasis on the workplace and the growing use of technology in our lives. My concept for the book was that it would look at historical texts on etiquette and manners and apply them to contemporary life, which was changing at a rapid pace thanks to the rise of digital technology. My book was meant to be informative and authoritative but it was also meant to be lighthearted.

The book got plenty of media attention and I lapped it up and went on every TV and radio show I was invited on. Even after it was no longer available in bookstores, I was invited by radio stations to comment on something whenever they had a story that might, for example, involve a celebrity's perceived bad manners. Then one day I heard myself on radio and realised I sounded like a real bore. Being a stickler for good manners made me sound like I was the fun police, so I decided to distance myself from it. I didn't want to be the go-to person for manners commentary any more, and as new books were being published on the topic, I didn't need to be.

But I've changed my mind on manners again. The way we live today has altered so much in the past few years that I find myself getting irritated by the way people behave. Take social media - it didn't exist when I wrote my book and is a veritable minefield of bad behaviour. Should you accept that friend request from that person in the office you don't particularly like? It's a minefield.

So this occasional column is going to look at some of the new forces shaping the way we live today, as well as some old ones, and think about the best way to behave in that situation; and again I hope it will have the right mix of information and lightheartedness.

If you have any questions or topics you would like to see covered, please feel free to email me at

David Meagher is the editor of The Australian's Wish Magazine and the author of It's Not Etiquette: A Guide to Modern Manners (Random House). Available on iTunes and Kindle.