Modern manners up in smoke

SMOKE from cigarettes and barbecues can waft into neighbours' homes in apartment blocks. Etiquette is required.

A READER recently emailed to ask what I thought about the etiquette of smoking. The etiquette of smoking? Is there a correct way to give oneself lung cancer, I wondered?

But putting my personal prejudice about cigarette smoking aside, it is a habit that while legal in various situations still causes offence and discomfort to some people, so it is worth considering how to minimise the impact it has on others. It's also something that smokers, certainly in my experience, feel very strongly about, so tread carefully if you want to take one on.

My correspondent had a very specific problem with cigarette smoke. He lives in an apartment building and the residents below him like to smoke out their window and the second-hand smoke makes its way into his apartment. Yuck. As it happens I recently had a very similar situation to deal with in my own apartment building. It was something that needed to be handled with caution, as issues in apartment buildings can easily descend into all-out war with body corporates, even police and lawyers.

It was smoke of a different kind that was driving me crazy. My downstairs neighbours had a barbecue on their balcony which they used nearly every night. The problem was my bedroom was directly above and if the windows were open and they were cooking - and I wasn't home to quickly shut them - then my sleeping quarters smelt like cooked meat and smoke. I once lived above an Indian restaurant and even that didn't smell as bad. So I decided to confront the issue. I knocked on their door (breaking into a nervous sweat in the process) and calmly and politely asked if they would consider moving the barbecue to their other balcony at the rear of the building, off their kitchen. They seemed genuinely upset that the issue had caused me angst; they moved it immediately. I then left a bottle of wine at their door for their trouble. I was fortunate that there was a clear solution to the problem that wouldn't cause my neighbours too much trouble. Admittedly this is not always the case, but my point here is that a problem like this needs to be handled with tact and diplomacy.

Present your neighbours with a solution rather than just your problem. Is there perhaps another window they could smoke out of so it doesn't affect you so much? They clearly have an issue with smoke in their own apartment - hence doing it out the window - so chances are they will be able to empathise with you. Whatever you do, don't accuse them of anything. Say things like, "You might not realise this but ... " Or put yourself in their shoes and start with, "I too like to smoke occasionally, but ... " And if the problem ceases, then you should put a thank-you note in their letterbox or give them a small gift. Chances are they will be so touched with your appreciation, they won't forget about the issue in a week's time and light up again in the same window. Use the powers of your building's body corporate as a last resort, as no one likes being dobbed in.

Smoking has become so marginalised in our society that one of the few places left where you can light up with impunity is in your own home. It is mostly banned in parks, beaches, sporting venues and on the doorsteps of public and some private buildings. Soon in some states - July 2015 in NSW - you won't be able to smoke in the outdoor dining areas of restaurants. We could install smoking booths all over the city such as the ones in some airports and confine smokers to them like caged animals. Judging by how many people I've seen crammed into these booths no bigger than a garden shed when I've been transiting, the smokers don't mind all that much.

As smoking is a legal practice, if someone isn't breaking the law, all you can really do to minimise the impact it has on you as a non-smoker is get out of their way. If they are breaking the law, then all power to you.