Ballerinas, Casters and others

PARISIANS, Romans, Athenians are easily named for the cities in which they live. So too are Berliners, Florentines and Venetians.

Illustration: Sturt Krygsman

PARISIANS, Romans, Athenians are easily named for the cities in which they live. So too are Berliners, Florentines and Venetians.

And it's not just the Old World that so clearly claims its citizens. Consider New Yorkers, Las Vegans and Los Angelinos and, at a push, the cosmic Seattleites.

But what names does Australian citizenry prefer? Both Melburnian and Adelaidean roll easily off the tongue, or at least more so than the perfunctory Sydneysider and the droll Brisbanite. Or Brisbane residents' most recent incarnation: the Brisvegan, which has nothing to do with vegetarianism but everything to do with a self-effacing reference to exciting Las Vegas.

The planet may be awash with earthlings, but did you know that Western Australians go one better with their own beings? They call themselves Perthlings. Second-tier cities are even more inventive: it is a distinctive Latin left field that yields Novocastrian from Newcastle whereas the Australian right field gives us Coasters from the Gold Coast.

But do you know that Ballerinas inhabit Ballina? And that Geelong-uns inhabit Geelong? Do Wollongongers come from Wollongong . . . or are they merely doppelgangers?

Townsvillains must come from Townsville as must Darwinians from Darwin. But do Aryans come from Ayr? And surely an economist's streak runs through the hearts of all Cairnsians. Waggarians inhabit Wagga and Dubbonians Dubbo. But is it only chaps that Gundagai claims as its Gundaguys? And locals, please advise of the correct form of address: is it Mullumbimbians or is it Mullumbimbos? If Moscow has its Muscovites, does Lithgow have its Lithgovites?

Personally I'd like to come from Bendigo because I understand that it's quite full of Bendigoers. Toorakian and Vauclusian command a certain gravitas but neither can compare with a Brisbane Indooroopillian. Wangaratta has its Wangaratians just as Kalgoorlie has it Kalgoorlians. Armidale is replete with Armidilians and Echuca is chockers with, well, Echucans. I also understand that the lost tribe of Biloelians has been found in the Queensland township of Biloela.

The language of some cities extends beyond a collective noun to downright adjectival. Consider, "Parisians are at their most Parisienne when strolling the streets of Paris" or, "Muscovites are at their most Muscovonian when in Moscow".

Now compare with "Bendigoers are at their most Bendigonian when in Bendigo". It just doesn't work, does it?

States are a mixed bag. Victorian is as suggestive of a state of mind as it is a geographical entity. Some might say the same of Queenslander. West Australians are metamorphosing into Westralians just as Northern Territorians have morphed into Top Enders. On the other hand the Australian Capital Territory is completely ignored in favour of Canberrans. Tasmanians are easily monikered; however, I much prefer Taswegian or, better still, Van Diemonian.

The entire population of NSW is clearly a problem: New South Welshers! South Australians remain, well, so completely South Australian. I am quite sure that if JFK had visited Surfers Paradise instead of Berlin he would have said words to the effect "Ich bin ein Coaster". But sadly, he did not. Because had he done so then I'm sure we would have addressed much earlier this urgent national problem of how to name our citizens by their geography.

Bernard Salt is a KPMG Partner; [e-mail]; www.twitter.com/bernardsalt