Get ready, on your marquee, go

Horses, what horses? Your off-track guide to the Melbourne Cup

Horses, what horses? Your off-track guide to the Melbourne Cup

LAVAZZA

WE begin the day with a heart-starter at Lavazza. Coffee, that is. This year the Victoria Racing Club has introduced a rule prohibiting accredited media from consuming alcohol. Given that it's an unusual reporter who manages to get through the day without at least a sip of champagne -- in one or two cases more like a magnum -- this should prove interesting.

Nonetheless, we load up on carbs out of habit, and also because the groaning platters of antipasto, prepared by Melbourne restaurant Grossi Florentino's chef Guy Grossi, look so delicious. Gossip is all about the anticipated afternoon arrival of Good Charlotte rockers Benji and Joel Madden from Los Angeles, but it's far too early for the real celebrities to have risen from their beds yet.

The marquee is heavy with television reporters and newspaper freeloaders such as ourselves, so we head to what we hope will prove more fertile pastures.

EMIRATES

WE walk up to the bar and order, yes, a sparkling water. Everyone around us is drinking colourful cocktails with exotic names and tucking into servings of rogan josh, samosas and papadums. Guess what? The theme of the Emirates marquee this year is India, which makes it the Taj Mahal of Toorak, given the heavy representation of matrons and men about town from Melbourne's toniest suburb. Eddie and Carla Maguire, Frank and Sharon van Haandel, Ann Peacock, Christine Santic and Eileen "Red" Bond are among its occupants. Bond is wearing a lime-green pillbox hat, a pinstripe man-style trouser suit and a Marc Jacobs bag that contains the tips she has acquired from her dashing grandson Jeremy Bond. She confides he is at present single, thus confirming him as surely one of the best potential catches in the marquee.

Sophie Monk boycotts conservative racewear in favour of a blue animal-print minidress and a black 1920s headpiece she describes as being "sweet and then a little bit edgy". The bikini model and actress says she is aware her former fiance, Benji Madden, is expected to make an appearance at the cup but that the two will not cross paths. "I don't really have time (to see him)," she says, "otherwise I would."

People such as the Bonds, Monk, radio personalities Hamish and Andy and Sibylla Dean don't need to blag their way in, but plenty of others give it a good crack. Our award for the best gatecrashing attempt goes to the five young men in dark sunglasses who bowl up to the door of Emirates claiming to be members of one of Dubai's royal families. The Emirates security guard asks where their bodyguards are, which quickly leads to red faces and a hasty departure. Nice try.

As we make our own exit Melbourne PR maven Ann Morrison, who is at the helm of the Emirates marquee every year, gives us her tips for surviving Cup Day in the Birdcage: "Definitely a second pair of shoes in your bag. I've actually brought three pairs today," she says. But that's not all.

"A spare pair of hosiery rolled up in your bag, one glass of water for every glass of champagne, and a stick of concealer to touch up dark circles under the eyes."

MYER

MYER'S PR man Mitch Catlin must have the biggest raccoon eyes in Melbourne. In the past five days he has organised a Myer ladies lunch in South Yarra, a Derby Day after-party for 350 featuring a performance by Liza Minnelli and fended media inquiries following the Myer share float on Monday. Oh, and he's also doing 18-hour days masterminding the department store's marquee on Derby, Cup, Oaks and Stakes days this week. He must be hanging on by a thread, but you wouldn't know it right now, clad as he is in a dapper charcoal Dom Bagnato suit, Jeff Banks shirt and tie and Kerry Stanley hat; all stocked by Myer, natch.

Roy Billing, the actor who played racing aficionado "Aussie" Bob Trimbole in the second season of Underbelly, says he learned that he and the real Mick Gatto had backed the same horse for the Cup. "Trimbole knew how to fix a race, so I'dlove to say it's a safe bet, but don't comelooking for me if you lose your money," Billing jokes.

Myer's ambassadors Jennifer Hawkins and Rebecca Twigley are joined in the marquee by Olivia Newton-John, former Miss Universe Australia Laura Dundovic, Shane Warne, West Indian cricketer Brian Lara, Myer designers Leona Edmiston and Nicola Finetti, and several hundred others. The atmosphere is best described as disco-tastic, thanks to the DJ spinning discs at a volume that challenges conversation (along with the free-flowing champagne). After half an hour we decide it's time to give our ears a break and move on.

JAMES BOAG

THE Tasmanian Wilderness-themed marquee with its "pure room" complete with butterfly enclosure and waterfall is the pick of the marquees for lunch, particularly with MasterChef contestant Lucas Parsons whipping up some lamb and rosemary sausages, seasoned abalone and scallops on the barbecue.

Situated at the opposite end of the Birdcage to the elegant Emirate's palace, James Boag hosts a relaxed crowd of sports players and corporates, with the endless supply of beer drawing in many more men than women.

One notable exception is federal Sports Minister Kate Ellis, who stops by at lunchtime. Looking elegant in a white Lisa Ho knee-skimming dress and a white Gregory Lander hat, the glamorous politician confesses to betting on Alcopop for the main race, despite her government's push to hike up the tax on the sugary alcoholic beverages. Her political rival, Nationals senator Barnaby Joyce, is spotted on the top balcony of the marquee enjoying the vantage point.

Songstress Newton-John makes a cameo at the marquee to use the bathroom before hopping off to another enclosure with husband John Easterling. The Grease star is dressed in an edgy all-black number with knee-high boots, "because you can be in black all day and not get too greased up," she says, laughing.

TABCORP

THE Tabcorp marquee seems to be suffering from something of a celebrity hangover after the excitement of entertaining tattooed former Motley Crue member Tommy Lee on Derby Day. There are no signs of the US metal rocker at the Melbourne Cup, and despite whispers that celebrity serial dater John Mayer (where do we start? Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt and the list goes on beyond the letter J . . .) might pop into the Birdcage and stop for a drink at Tabcorp, the singer fails to appear. Perhaps he has other fish to fry?

The comparatively younger crowd at Tabcorp consists mainly of football players, including former Essendon captain Matthew Lloyd, and their partners. The guests groove to a DJ playing tunes such as Freak Out while munching on macaroons and sipping champagne. But despite, or perhaps because of, the Lee hangover from Derby Day, even the woman guarding the entrance to the Tabcorp marquee yesterday admits that "there's not really that much in the way of gossip today".

Corporate guests are even provided with daggy gold name-tags to wear, perhaps to make introductions that bit easier after a few glasses of bubbly.

LEXUS

THE Australian caught up with Irish heart-throb Ronan Keating en route to the double-story Lexus marquee. Keating is in Australia to promote his latest album, Stay. The former Boyzone frontman looks relaxed in a grey suit and white open-necked shirt and confides he finds the Melbourne Cup more lively and lavish than his local racing haunt, Royal Ascot.

"I'm having a wonderful time. It's not like working is it? This is probably the biggest racing event I've seen and Royal Ascot doesn't have an area like this for the VIPs," he says of the Birdcage.

Keating says he is keen to enjoy the day and even take in a few post-races parties, but admits he thought twice about coming to the cup following the sudden death of former bandmate Stephen Gately.

"I'm OK. I wasn't sure if I was going to come out, but I am delighted to be here," an exceptionally polite Keating says.

Lexus demonstrates real corporate elegance with first-time cup attendee Neil Perry enlisted to do the catering. The pony-tailed chef turns on mini-wagyu burgers, gourmet chicken sandwiches and "lots of bread-based dishes to help soak up the alcohol".

The alcohol theme is certainly getting a work-out, as you can see.

Lush displays of hybrid tea roses flank the bar and upstairs Koko Black chocolates are on offer to the guests who, during the race, include Kate Waterhouse and partner Luke Ricketson, Packed to the Rafters star Jessica McNamee, David Jones racing ambassador Emma Freedman and rugby league player Wendell Sailor.

Waterhouse looks typically elegant in a bronze one-shoulder Chloe top, a white Farage skirt and a custom-designed bronze fascinator by Nerida Winter. She is a model for how to do racewear the right way. There's a lesson here for all the also-rans among the A-list in the Birdcage, and elsewhere.

They can take it up next year.