Getting divorced? Let’s celebrate!
Divorce has always been a sensitive subject. But today, people are reclaiming the narrative and turning separations into celebrations.
Contrary to popular belief, divorce rates are trending downwards. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, there were only 1.9 divorces granted per 1000 Australians in 2019, down from 2.8 divorces 10 years prior. But you wouldn’t know it. Because in popular culture and real life, the subject of divorce is much more prevalent than it used to be. We’ve probably got the Kardashians to thank for this shift in public perception — Kim Kardashian West famously filed for divorce from her former NBA-playing husband Kris Humphries just 72 days after they were wed (stay tuned for her third husband, Kanye West’s send-off).
But what’s interesting about the rhetoric surrounding divorce today is it’s not all negative. Instead, and among younger divorcees especially, there’s been a notable shift towards reframing the milestone as an empowering, cathartic experience. Moreover, it’s turning into an occasion that calls for a party.
On Instagram, the hashtag #divorceparty has almost 50,000 posts. And almost none of them appear overly sombre. Between the cakes decorated with ‘Happily divorced’ in cursive frosting, to the smiling selfies taken with official divorce certificates, the hashtag is probably one of the more uplifting corners of the social media platform.
“This isn’t a hate post,” Courtnay Curtis, a 32-year-old from Canada wrote on Instagram after her split. “This certificate signifies my new life. I’m so grateful that I can officially let everyone know; YA GIRL IS DIVORCED.” The comments left below Curtis’ post couldn’t be more supportive. “Onward and forward girl!!!” writes one commenter. “I was so happy when I got my divorce papers too haha,” posts another.
Beautiful and haunting that one of the first times we see Mary-Kate Olsen smile in the last decade is during her divorce hearing pic.twitter.com/LgGt9NvNfU
— Lucille Fay Lesueur (@miggythotz) January 14, 2021
Women, it seems, are especially excited for each other when divorce is involved, which could have something to do with the fact women are more likely to initiate divorce than men.
For example, when images of child star turned fashion designer Mary-Kate Olsen and her former husband Olivier Sarkozy’s divorce hearing (which, in a very 2021 twist, was held over Zoom) were published last month, echoes of YASSS KWEEEN could be heard all over the internet. One Twitter user remarked that the hearing was one of the only times we’ve seen the famously impassive twin smile in the last decade.
Naturally, the judge-approved screenshot of the hearing sparked a tonne of memes, with many people remarking how chic Olsen looked dressed in a sharp black turtleneck with her long tousled waves streaming past her shoulders. Even through a pixelated Zoom screenshot, Olsen radiated with dignity and class. And we were all there, cheering for her.
Divorce is also a lucrative industry (according to 2015 reports, America’s divorce industry was worth $16.4 billion). Today, there are divorce coaches, divorce party planners and even divorce registries, where people can buy presents of gift money to a freshly single friend. In 2016, after throwing her fair share of divorce parties for friends and then friends of friends, American writer Christine Gallagher published the pre-eminent manual on the topic: The Divorce Party Handbook: How to Throw an Unforgettable Divorce Party When Divorce Do Us Part.
“A divorce party is a way to mark the end of the pain and suffering that comes with divorce,” says Gallagher. “The party is an opportunity to announce your new status in life. You are now single and available for new experiences and even new relationships. A whole new phase of life is just beginning. And that is something to celebrate.”
Of course, divorces involve more than one person. And unless both parties are celebrating, sometimes together (which isn’t unprecedented), one former lover is going to be on the wrong end of the party. Especially when our preferred method of communicating life milestones is social media, and the motivator behind this style of event tends to be revenge (there’s a reason they call it the ‘revenge dress’).
But not all divorce parties are about retribution, or looking hot (though the latter seems to be a common denominator). Like hens and bucks parties, divorce parties are often thrown by friends for friends, as a way of showing support and celebrating the beginning of a new life chapter.
“After my divorce, I was bad-tempered and slightly crazy for months,” reads a testimonial on Christine Gallagher’s website. “My divorce party was cathartic. I finally let go of all the anger, sadness and regret. It marked the end of a difficult chaotic time.”
Mazel tov?