When did family values become such an ugly term?

NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet with his wife Helen and five of their six children. Picture: Jenny Evans

It’s often said that being a parent is the best of times, and the worst of times. The Dickensian lament is, according to my friends, an ­entirely accurate description of the gig. Highs and lows. Peaks and challenging, grinding troughs.

Being a parent is the definition of joyful privilege wrought by chance.

It’s been a while since there’s been so much national discourse around the family unit, parenthood, parenting, faith, and the number of kids a person might be raising, but with the new Premier of NSW being the dad of six young kids, it’s the topic du jour.

It’s been a curious conversation to observe and occasionally dip into. I say that as a divorced, Christian, childless woman in her late 40s. Six children! A Catholic! You could almost hear disdainful eyebrows being raised from one side of the country to another.

Who knew that a traditional family unit, doing achingly dull things such as parenting their kids, making decisions about faith-based values and the like, could trigger so many? Perhaps it’s because what once was the norm is now the exception, because families come in so many different shapes and sizes, which is wonderful too. Perhaps it’s because when you scratch the surface a little, bigotry towards traditional values and certain faiths aren’t hard to find.

I honestly think it’s a combination of all three.

How did we arrive at a place whereby in 2021, traditional values have been somehow weaponised? How a family raising their kids according to a faith (to be clear, any family of any shape or size, practising any variety of faith) is somehow not to be trusted? Somehow, women who might choose motherhood over a full-time career are failures, or have made the lesser, poorer choice.

It’s all topsy-turvy to me. ­Especially when you consider that feminism is apparently about a woman’s right to choose her own path, free of judgment.

I recall a few years back when one of my own team, as she approached the birth of her first, assured me she would be back at work within six weeks. Along came her little one and all of a sudden everything changed. She decided to stay home with him, full time. Now she is raising two small humans and blissfully happy. I’m not saying it’s right nor wrong. I’m saying it was her choice and no less valid than a woman who decides she needs to be at work either full or part time, regardless of how many children she has. Yet the patronising undertones, the dismissive bitchiness this past week, have been unmistakeable. So insufferably dull.

It was absolutely appropriate for the Premier to be asked how he would manage to lead the state (and, some would argue, the nation when it comes to exiting the pandemic) with six small children at home. That’s a question any woman in his position would be asked. The Premier’s answer was, frankly, inspired. What he loses in time, he gains in perspective. How many can relate?

You could almost hear heads exploding all about the place in the face of what appears to be a content, achingly normal suburban family – albeit with a ­batting average slightly higher than the standard 2.3.

I don’t understand the obsession with this. I get that it’s not normal as much these days, but has it occurred to anyone else that the further people push towards being progressive the more we are actually regressing in terms of genuine tolerance?

I do understand though, real concerns about a synthesis rather than separation of church and state with the new Premier installed. Can a person who professes such strong faith really govern for everyone; can a line not only be drawn, but maintained? A brief snapshot of the Premier’s stated position on various issues; he is pro-life, against voluntary assisted dying. He voted against decriminalising abortion in 2019. This is unsurprising for someone with his stated values, and it’s clearly OK with his electorate given his seat is safely held.

Everything has changed. The challenge for Perrottet is that he is now governing for all. For those who share his values, and those for whom they are anathema.

I do still feel though, that we’ve seen some intellectually flimsy, sectarian, nonsense this past week. It didn’t happen when Chris Minns, also a practising Catholic, replaced Jodi McKay. Former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd regularly held media interviews outside his Canberra church. Nobody energetically sought to unpack his beliefs. Perhaps it’s not about being a politician and professing a faith, perhaps it’s just being a conservative politician with faith that’s objectionable. You’d be forgiven for thinking that, isn’t it awkward when prejudice is that transparent?

This conversation will linger for a while. And, as with most things if the Premier is to prove he truly can lead for all, faith or no faith, what will ultimately count isn’t what he says but what he does.