There’s something almost magnificent about Nicola Forrest separating from Twiggy.
Not that I’m fond of people breaking up: we all know it’s one of the sadder experiences in life. Rejection – whichever side of it one is on – can be devastating. Even if both parties say it’s amicable and a joint decision, parting is rarely an occasion for celebration, despite what all those new divorce self-help books suggest.
Yet, just like Melinda Gates’s split from Bill a few years back, the decision by the Forrests to live separate lives gives Nicola power, influence and freedom far beyond the level she enjoyed as part of a couple.
One could say, and many surely do, that like Melinda, Nicola would never have accomplished what her husband has achieved in terms of wealth creation, so that heading east across the Nullarbor with half of the loot makes her a very lucky little Vegemite, even after decades of marriage.
Others may argue that behind every successful man is a terrific, enabling woman, who especially in the early years does all the cooking, cleaning and parenting – not to mention the listening. Splitting the wealth after all those years of emotional support is fair.
In reality, Andrew Forrest, Bill Gates, Kerr Neilson (Judith’s ex), Jeff Bezos (MacKenzie Scott’s ex), and Mike Cannon-Brookes (separated husband of Annie Todd) are amazing talents who one suspects would have cracked the big time without a wife.
Certainly the women have held their own (Melinda Gates, for one, is said to be as savvy and smart as her ex-husband); like many political wives, they have been the sounding boards, the voices of reason, the unconditional emotional givers in difficult times. Certainly some have absorbed great psychological loneliness with partners who have put their attention elsewhere, and they have perhaps grown used to being patronised or worse by those focused on the star in the family.
But blimey, they’ve done well, haven’t they?
Melinda is worth $US6.6bn ($9.6bn); Nicola we know is now richer than Andrew; MacKenzie left Jeff taking $US38.2bn in Amazon stock; Judith is worth about $1.4bn. We have yet to see if Mike Cannon-Brookes’s $16bn fortune will be split down the middle but in this day and age …
None of this is an argument for reversing the gains of recent years that have ensured women have a right to a fair financial divorce settlement. Rather, it’s a way of saying who cares how they got here, whether they just ran the dinner parties and were the glue at the cocktail parties. Who cares if they are beneficiaries of their partners’ luck/brilliance/perseverance?
Every marriage is a deeply personal affair, even when it’s as public as those listed above, so let’s not start apportioning blame or backing one half over the other.
Let’s not judge the women who could have dumped their unfaithful rich husbands but for their own reasons have opted to stay, albeit surely extracting more power and financial independence from the guilty. Not for them a bunch of flowers on a Friday night.
No, the sense of excitement around Nicola Forrest’s exit comes not so much from whether she has “won” as from the potential she now has to really show us her stuff.
Will she do philanthropy – and possibly even business – differently? How creative will she be with the fortune under her control? She has lately stepped in from the side and begun to carve out her own image, but now we will really see how far she can go.
Like the Gateses, the Forrests remain connected through their philanthropic trust but, when relationships are reworked, so is the power between couples.
Already, the Forrests’ Minderoo Foundation has refocused its mission with one of the three planks – early childhood – clearly set to be Nicola’s domain, while Twiggy gets oceans and their daughter Grace continues to lead the modern slavery work.
Not everyone hangs around; Scott took her 25 per cent of Amazon stock and started rapidly giving it away all over the place – in big and small grants to causes and organisations she cared about.
Judith Neilson also pursued separate interests after she split from husband Kerr in 2015.
Her big bet was a journalism and ideas foundation, which sadly did not get very far, but her patronage of the arts and architecture has been superb.
A valid question: do we apply a different lens to women who benefit from the fortunes their partners build compared with men who exit with money made by their wives? Guilty as charged, your honour.
I had to go back to Google for the details of Scott’s divorce from her second husband, science teacher Dan Jewett, after just a couple of years and be reminded that we really don’t know how much money he took from the marriage. The couple are said to have had a pre-nup, and a separation agreement, and he is said to be worth $US1m. And yes, I guess, we don’t much care.
We care much more, I suspect, about the Cannon-Brookes separation, given their very young children. Their split has saddened and surprised many observers who saw theirs as a solid family unit.
In 2016, the couple spoke to journalist Damon Kitney at their then home near Sydney’s Centennial Park about their desire to “provide as normal an existence for our kids as possible”.
But Annie also said: ‘’What worries me the most is that you get a bit paranoid about why people want to be in your life … I get nervous that (our children) won’t have a before. I find that really hard. They are all great humans in their own right and I hope that everyone that comes into their lives does so for the right reason.’’ It was a poignant comment revealing how huge wealth can test happiness.
Finally, how will women who separate after decades of marriage fare as singles if re-partnering is on their agendas? The very rich may well be different from you and me, but singledom tends to flatten those nuances: wealth, beauty, age, smarts, you name it, there are few rules when it comes to women finding love in middle age. The good news is that just as these high-profile splits might have seemed unthinkable 30 or 40 years ago, so has singledom changed, with single life for women and men no longer viewed as second best, the consolation prize.
And that, one must say, is truly a magnificent outcome.
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