We fell in love through food — then my partner went on weight- loss jabs

One woman says she misses the days of cooking and eating together — and feels the medication has become a threat to her relationship.

Weight-loss drugs have changed him. Picture: iStock

I’ve been with my partner for seven years. We met in London at a dance class. I was separated from my husband and I have a son; my partner was single when we met and doesn’t have any children. I love cooking, and always have, so even though I had just met Aaron*, I asked him round for a meal on our third date. I worked very hard at that dinner and Aaron was very happy. I think he fell in love with me that night.

We moved in together very quickly. He has been a very good stepfather to my son and a very good partner to me. I definitely show my love by cooking. I’m really good at it and I take a lot of care over it. I really liked seeing how much Aaron enjoyed eating it. When he came back from work, we would often cook together.

I honestly think a big part of our relationship has been cooking and eating. But the effect of my cooking — and the fact the Aaron has a large appetite — meant that he put on a lot of weight. He’s 5ft 8in and at one point he weighed over 14st (89kg).

I still found him very attractive, but I could see over the last year or so that he didn’t find himself attractive. We’d had a lot going on in our lives. My son has been taking exams and Aaron’s father got very ill and died nine months ago. Aaron was upset and his eating began to change. Really he was comfort eating and he was always asking me to make cakes and biscuits and very starchy food. I could see how low he was and I wanted to help him feel better so I just cooked and cooked and cooked.

Then a few months ago Aaron went online and ordered some weight-loss medication. I wasn’t sure about it but he told me that when he looked in the mirror he didn’t see a person he liked. He hated his puffy face and the fact that his clothes didn’t fit him anymore and he found it difficult to believe that I still found him attractive.

Everything we bonded over seems to have disappeared. Picture: iStock

The effect on our relationship has been dramatic: he has essentially stopped enjoying food. He doesn’t even really want to be in the kitchen when I’m cooking because he says it makes him feel a bit nauseous. But nothing has changed for me. I am naturally able to stay quite slim and I just eat smaller portions than he does. I’ve suggested he eats the same food portions as I do but he says he can’t help himself.

Now I feel as if we’re estranged from each other. It’s very hard to keep a relationship going when you realise that something your relationship is based on is cooking and food and the other person has no interest in it. Everything we bonded over seems to have disappeared. The thinner Aaron gets, the thinner his love seems to be. We used to play that song Skinny Love to each other and now I feel I’m actually living in it.

It’s difficult to talk about because of course I want him to be healthy. He said his joints were aching and that he felt depressed because of his weight, whereas now he feels fitter and better than he’s ever done. He’s joined a running club and does Couch to 5K training.

I don’t like running, so he goes without me. I feel very lonely because I don’t want to be in the house just cooking for myself and my son. I don’t feel the partnership any more and I also don’t know how to tell him that. How do you say to someone, “I liked it when you were bigger”? He says he really enjoys his life now and he seems to be unaware that I’m not enjoying my life.

Most people don’t understand. They assume I must be happy that he’s getting slimmer and fitter, but I feel something has been lost between us — all the joy and the pleasure and the bonding, the laughing, the cooking, the dancing round the dinner table, the chopping … It’s all gone. I’m not sure if our relationship will survive this.

* Aaron is not his real name.

The Times